Throughout the years, manners seem to be one of those civilities that is often taken for granted. Which is why we hear the phrase, “Mind your manners!” It is a call to be mindful of our manners by showing respect others and to not take basic civilities for granted. But why should we be mindful of our manners? We believe good manners not only demonstrates respect towards others, but it defines our character as well.
The holiday season provides a built-in opportunity to evaluate, practice, reestablish, and, in some cases, initiate manners we haven’t thought about. And we are not just talking about the kids! In our Do as I Say Not as I Do letter we discussed being the example to our children, spouse, family, friends and acquaintances. If we wish to hold our kids to a particular standard, with manners for example, we must first be mindful and follow those standard ourselves.
We are definitely NOT the Manners Police, but here are some common categories and examples we focus on with our family that might help your family to evaluate, practice, reestablish, or initiate:
Greeting/Meeting People
Greet and acknowledge people by looking at their eyes and smiling
Offer a firm handshake
Speak clearly at the appropriate volume
Personal Hygiene
Hair presentable
Teeth brushed
Hands and face washed
Facial hair groomed
Clothing that is appropriate for the occasion
No nose picking or nail/cuticle biting
Meal Time
Putting your napkin in your lap and using it – not the tablecloth or your shirt.
Using utensils appropriately
Waiting until everyone is served before eating
Chewing with your mouth closed
Taking reasonable sized bites
Leaning, slouching, or playing at the table
Say “Please, Thank You, May I…”
Not talking with food in your mouth
Be excused before taking care of bodily issue – Blowing your nose, digestive issues, etc…
Show appreciation to the host/hostess and/or whomever prepared the food/meal
In Public
Be on time or call if you will be late
Open doors for others and/or let others proceed before you
Remove your hat when appropriate – Women sometimes think this only applies to men.
When appropriate and applicable, offer your seat to others – Elderly, physically challenged, moms, etc.
Say, “Excuse Me, May I, Thank you…”
Wait your turn patiently
Leave an acceptable tip
No talking during movies, plays, concerts or similar public event
Pick up after yourself / push your chair in
Cell Phones
Turn your cell phone off – It is ok to go a few hours without checking it. If you can’t turn your phone off for an extended period, perhaps you don’t have the freedom to go to a movie or out to dinner. Should your phone be needed for a babysitter or caregiver, put the phone on vibrate and leave the immediate setting before answering the call or text.
These categories and examples are in no way comprehensive. We only offer them to you as “food for thought” this holiday season.
In addition to being courteous and respectful to others, manners also establish standards that can build self-confidence and self-respect. Manners are basic civilities reflect the virtues in our hearts by allowing us to be a positive example that others can follow.
It is also very important to not be condemning or too critical when others don’t demonstrate good manners or reflect your personal standards. Rather, choose to let grace fill those moments and, if appropriate, offer gentle positive encouragement towards the proper behavior. Let your manners reflect upon who you are and not how others should honor you. Give the gift, this holiday season, of being mindful of your own manners!
Warm holiday blessings to your family,
Shelly and Rich