With New Year’s coming up, many of us are thinking about our resolutions for 2016. Losing weight, eating healthier, paying off debt, quitting smoking and drinking less are among the most common resolutions according to research. However, there is one resolution you might consider that will rejuvenate your spirit and help you with all your other resolutions.
Engage in Community!
When most people think of “community”, they usually think of volunteering or awkwardly associating with a bunch of people you don’t necessarily know. While this can be true in many cases, there is another way of thinking about community that is more substantive that you may think about as you start the New Year.
For us, community is all about creating and engaging in meaningful relationships. It’s about connecting with other like-minded people that can support you while you support them. It’s about making an investment in time and vulnerability. And it is this type of community that has revolutionized our personal growth, improved our marriage, supercharged our parenting, and developed meaningful bonds within our family.
To illustrate the kind of community we are talking about, here are some examples of community we experience in our life:
Take or lead a class – 2016 marks the 14th year that we will be volunteering as leaders for parenting classes at our church. On January 13th we will be leading a group of 70+ parents through the Parenting from the Tree of Life Series. And while the material presented is transformative, what really makes this class so special are the small discussion groups that take place. In these groups, parents come to find out that they are not alone in their challenges. That there are other people, just like them (and us), experiencing the same season of life. And out of these classes, we have seen a lot of small communities and friendships formed. And it doesn’t have to be a parenting class to have this kind of meaningful community. It could be a marriage class or financial improvement class, etc… There is a lot of great material out there! The key is to join or even lead a class that fosters active group discussion and personal growth.
Join or start a small group – We have been in several small groups over the years. Some have been social while others have been theological (bible study groups). Some have lasted for many years while some have only lasted a year or two. But they have all been meaningful to us. Having a group of 8-10 people allows you the freedom to open up and share your life with others. In doing so, they share themselves with you and a small group community is formed. The key with this kind of community is meeting consistently and regularly, like on the first Sunday night of the month for example. Like the classes mentioned above, there is a lot of material you can use for your small group or you may just choose to pick a different discussion topic prior to meeting.
Form an inner-circle group – This is a group of 3-4 men or women that meet once a week to have more intimate conversations about the experiences and meanings of life. Rich, for example, has been meeting with Dave, and a couple other guys, regularly every Saturday Morning for over ten years. They even called it Saturday Morning Dads. It’s during this time that they discuss challenges and successes that affect their personal growth. And while the topics vary each week, it always adds to the personal development and maturity of each guy. This is also what the HeadwatersLife Ironmen initiative is all about. Helping men to form Ironmen groups by providing them a weekly topic for discussion. Of course this model of community is also represented with Shelly and her inner-circle group of women.
Now here are a couple of other “community groups” that may not seem so obvious:
Create intentional family time – Have you ever thought of your family as a community? Your children, parents, siblings, and other close family members have something of substance to offer to your personal growth and development. Being open to their insights is usually the challenge. After all, what can a five year old teach me? Or my goofball brother? Or my in-laws? Probably a lot if you can put aside the perceived ideas and assumptions you have and open yourself up to the wisdom they may communicate. Consider family dinnertime or Family Fun Night that we mentioned in a previous letter as a catalyst for creating community among family.
Consistent CouchTime/Date night – The community you have with your spouse can easily be taken for granted. The person you married is your suitable helper, soul mate, and best friend! And that connection can be easily lost if it is left unattended. Which is why doing something so simple like CouchTime and/or having a date night consistently is so valuable. It reconnects those ties that brought you and your spouse together originally. We have even had a few Date Vacations over the years! We were fortunately to have the boys stay with family, while we had a long and relationship rejuvenating weekend to ourselves.
Hopefully this has given you a different perspective on community as you think about the things you wish to focus on in the New Year! Being intentional, thoughtful, and proactive in your relationships will change your life for the better. True community relationships will provide you with accountability, unexpected wisdom, and a fulness in bond. We are relational beings with a deep down desire to feel connected. The investment we make in our relationships will always payoff and enrich our life. What do your community groups look like? How will you engage in community in 2016?
Blessings to your family in the New Year!
Shelly and Rich
P.S. – If you wish to help us in supporting this idea of community and personal growth through our OneFamily projects, your tax deductible contribution is sincerely appreciated! Please go to https://onefamilyhwl.org/donate/ to learn more!