The Howards are HUGE football fans! In fact, we’ve had Denver Bronco season tickets in our family since 1968. With the 2016 pro football season kicking off this Thursday (a Super Bowl 50 rematch!), we are reminded of a coaching philosophy that actually transcends many areas of our lives. It’s the idea of playing to win versus playing to not lose.
In football, there is a particular strategy that some coaches use to protect the lead when the game is nearing the end. They use the “Prevent Defense.” This strategy is designed to allow the opposing team short yardage plays to use up the remaining game time, while “preventing” longer yardage plays that could either tie or lose the game.
So you might be thinking, “What in the world does this have to do with me? ” The answer is everything!
In the course of our lives, we are faced with many situations and circumstances that require us to make “playing to win or not lose” decisions. Some of these decisions can be relatively minor, while others can have a significant impact. We all desire a positive outcome (a win) from all of our decisions, but have you ever considered the motivation behind your decisions to achieve that result? Is your mindset “nothing ventured, nothing gained” or “something is better than nothing?”
Reflect on these statements and see if you identify with certain motivational propensities/patterns in your decisions:
I usually try to avoid conflict or seek conflict resolution
I usually put forth comfortable effort or extra effort
I’m characterized by playing it safe or taking reasonable chances
I usually don’t rock the boat or like to mix it up
I’m usually fearful of repercussions or regret
Each column has its own positive and negative consequences. And generally speaking, we have different motivations at different times. It’s a part of our human nature. However, it’s also important to evaluate and recognize these motivations, in our daily lives, and see if certain tendencies significantly dominate and affect your decisions.
Look at these areas of life and the brief examples of underlying motivation. See if you have dominant tendencies that are positively or negatively affecting your life to your overall satisfaction or dissatisfaction.
Marriage
Critical conversations (Finances, Politics, Parenting, Spiritual…)
Keep the peace – It’s not worth getting into an argument and creating disharmony at home.
Tension can be good – Seeking long-term understanding, to the betterment of your relationship, is worth the conversational discomfort and anxiety.
Intimacy (Emotional, Sexual, Spiritual…)
Vulnerability – The potential embarrassment and humiliation is too great to bear right now.
Deeper connection – I want my spouse to understand me completely regardless of my perceived imperfections.
Parenting
Consistency (Application of Strategies, Methods, Techniques…)
Life is busy – I’ll deal with it later when things are less hectic.
Investment – The extra time, energy, and effort will pay off in the long run.
Freedom to fail (Trying New Things, Chores, Grades…)
Self-esteem – I would rather quickly do the child’s task and protect their emotional state.
Learning – I would rather allow them the opportunity to fail and grow from it.
Vocation
It’s a job (Stay at home mom/dad, Job, Career…)
Content – It’s not challenging but it’s comfortable.
Improvement – I will improve my current situation or move on to something else.
Golden Handcuffs (Lifestyle, Financial Security…)
Tenure – The pay/ benefits are worth the aggravation and unpleasantness I face each day.
Trade off – I’m willing to adjust my current standard of living for greater satisfaction and fulfillment.
Health
Well being (Physical, Mental, Spiritual…)
Just enough – I do the absolute minimum to get by because I’m so overwhelmed with responsibilities.
Priority – I get up early, each morning, to make myself sharp, strong and confident before I engage the day.
Setting the example (Spouse, Children, Friends…)
I’ve got time – It’s definitely important to me, but it’s a difficult season right now so I’ll focus on it later.
Awareness – My health affects my relationships and my desire to be a positive example is resilient regardless of season.
So are you playing to win or not lose in some areas of your life?
Are your motivations balanced or dominated by certain tendencies?
With summer behind us, fall is a great time to step back and take a personal inventory. Maybe there are some motivations and perspectives that need to be tweaked or changed in your life. Being aware, evaluating and taking necessary action is a process that allows us to actively be the person we desire to be for ourselves, our spouse, our children, and our friends.
Blessings to Your Family,
Shelly & Rich