With the election one week away, one thing is 100% certain.  A lot of people are NOT going to be happy!  And guess what?  That’s ok.  We all understand that disappointment, frustration, anger, and disillusionment are a part of life.  But how we deal with these emotions, and manifest them, can critically impact our lives and the lives of our spouse and children as we mentioned in our Emotional Expression letter.

Learning to properly manage negative situations and circumstances well, requires a mind-set and skill that we tend to overlook.  Far too often, in our society, when things don’t go in our favor, our first response is to adopt a “victim mentality”, that can lead to a “pity party” of complaining, where “misery loves company!”  And just like these overused clichés, the crutch we use to find blame and solace in the drama and misery, only serves to keep us from growing, thriving and achieving the most abundant life possible.

Consider these statements that we’ve heard recently:

  • If so-and-so wins the election, I’m gonna blame the party for not giving us the proper candidates.
  • If the Cubs lose the World Series, I’ll blame “the curse.”
  • It’s not my fault if my company goes bankrupt.
  • If this marriage fails, it’s not my fault.
  • I blame the economy, immigration, climate change, Iran, the Russians, our government, the millennials….

It’s true that there is plenty of blame to go around – warranted and unwarranted.  And, like most of our letters, we usually catch ourselves doing the very thing we try so hard not to do!  It is too easy to get caught up in the tendency to commiserate, gossip with, or blame others on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, at coffee with the ladies, beer with the guys, and even at the dinner table.  Blaming, complaining and/or sharing your displeasure, in hopes of gaining agreement or sympathy only provides short-term relief that we usually regret.

Why not consider rising above those situations and circumstances that cause you to lean on the crutch of the victim mentality (blaming), and wallowing in self-pity and gossip?

Reconsider these statements:

  • If so-and-so wins the election, I’m personally going to use the results to work smarter and harder; perhaps get involved in my local government or political party.
  • If the Cubs lose the World Series I’ll be bummed, but it was a great season and I’ll get over it.
  • I choose to do the best I can to help others, help the company succeed, and avoid bankruptcy.
  • I’m taking responsibility for my marriage; I’m going to make it my number one priority and take any necessary steps to make our marriage thrive.
  • Regardless of the economy, immigration, climate change, Iran, the Russians, our government, or the millennials, I’m in control of my life and I choose to succeed and thrive for the betterment of  myself, my spouse and my children.

What would happen if you posted or shared those statements?  Aside from the occasional ribbing of wearing “rose colored glasses” and being a “goody two-shoes”, it would hold you accountable for your emotions and actions.  And that is a good thing!  Of course, you would have to work toward achieving those declarations with a positive attitude.  Otherwise, it’s just good intentions or hypocrisy.  But don’t focus on that.  Rather, focus on the wonderful impact and lessons that are being conveyed to those you hold dear – your spouse and children!

Begin looking for the positive opportunity in all things.  It is a skill that takes practice, commitment and work .  And it is definitely not easy.  Yet the reward is priceless and long term.  We have seen it work firsthand in our family, and it has made a significant impact on our marriage and our boys behavior.

The next time you face a negative situation or circumstance, don’t be a buzzkill or an emotional thief that steals or destroys any possible opportunity for greater meaning, blessing and a thriving abundant life.  Instead, choose to rise above!

A thief comes only to steal and to kill and to destroy. I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance. – John 10:10

Blessings to your family,

Shelly and Rich