According to research, we are considered the last “low-tech” generation and, generally speaking, our kids have (or will have) more knowledge than we do about technology and how to use it.  This brings up a lot of questions. We need to ask ourselves, who or what is the authority in our kids’ lives, or our own lives for that matter?  Who is in control? What kind of example am I to my family and friends when it comes to media and technology?  Technology – Computers, Tablets, Cellphones, Game Systems, etc.. – are wonderful and tremendously benefit our lives.  But all those benefits can easily and quickly spiral out of control.

At our boys’ well-check ups, they were typically asked by our pediatrician, how many hours a day they spend interacting with media (internet, smart phone, tv, video games and tablets, etc.).  The doctor strongly cautioned them and us, as parents, that no more that 2 hours a day is acceptable. He cautioned that any more time beyond that is pretty detrimental to a child’s development and is substantiated with recent research from the Center on Media and Child Health at Children’s Hospital Boston/Harvard Medical School.  Check out www.cmch.tv. This is a great resource to learn about children’s brain development and what is believed to be helpful versus detrimental at each age and developmental stage regarding media/technology.

Gaging the time we spend with technology is just one aspect in finding the proper balance and control with it.  In his book, The Next Story, Faith, Friends, Family and the Digital World, Tim Challies states that the technology we have created to help manage and control our world, actually controls us.  How often do we find ourselves at a loss when our computer crashes or we misplace our smartphone?  Technology has not only transformed our society, but it has changed our individual biology by changing the neural pathways in our brains.  As humans, we are made to be adaptable to our most significant influences. Therefore, as we adapt to these influences, our brains neurologically change and our behavior follows that change.  Challies further explains that our technology is actually fighting against what our brains and bodies can handle, which keeps us in a constant state of stress.  Even though our brains need a rest, for many of us, when we go on vacation we can’t unplug because our brains begin to crave the constant communication and access to information. Looking back just a few years ago, you may remember what it was like before technology filled up every waking moment. How did we ever survive without texting?  So we can see the need for control and balance.  For our kids who have never known life before the internet and smartphones, this is the world they are growing up in and it is up to us to show them how to find the balance and control.

We continue to have many conversations with our boys about technology. Naturally we get a lot of push back and excuses when it comes to time and control in this area. Homework is the big one. The key here is to be more mindful and disciplined with our technology.  Spending 2 hours playing a video games and then 2 hours on the laptop doing homework nonstop without a break is not healthy. That is four straight hours of screen time without break!  So as a family (so our boys would own the outcome), we came up with these ways that our family could unplug more from our devices in order to find a healthy balance and establish proper control:

  • Put devices away at the dinner table, at restaurants, playing a board game (remember Family Fun Night?) and any time we are spending time together as a family.
  • No phones, tablets, or laptops in the bedrooms when going to bed.  It’s ok to read a book!
  • Planning/Scheduling time that we will use media, rather than surfing the web, playing video games or checking out social media out of boredom or that uncontrollable urge to stay connected ALL the time. For example, only check email a couple of times a day, Facebook and other social media once a day, etc.
  • Turn Off the notifications on your smartphones.  We make the assumption and tell our boys that if something is urgent, expect a phone call.
  • Be mindful about taking a break giving our brains and eyes a rest.  Go workout, hangout with friends or mom and dad, have a “bonus” Couchtime for example.

For those of you with younger children, here are some other ideas:

  • Limit screen time even when mom and dad need a break!  Do they really need to see a favorite DVD 3 times in a row!
  • Play with your children.  Play with Legos or Dolls or put together a train set or have a tea party.  Be mindful of the positive neurological aspects these activities create and will have on your children development!
  • Be health minded. Go on walks, take bike rides, go to the pool, play soccer or catch, or dance with your kids!

The point of all of this, like so many of our weekly letters, is to have perspective and be intentional as we grow individually and grow our family; to be a positive example to our spouse, our children, our friends and our community.  We need to be mindful and properly manage (time and control) our technology.  We hope that you will have a productive and meaningful Couchtime this week discussing some ways that you and your family can be more mindful with technology!

Blessings to Your Family,

Shelly and Rich