We recently heard a terrific message, by Andy Stanley, how leaders can be more effective, innovative and open to creative exploration, when they have an attitude of “Wow” versus “How.” Many great ideas and creative thoughts get shut down and lost when executives or managers focus on the “how” of an idea instead of encouraging further creative exploration with a “wow” response. The same can be true in parenting.
Are you a Wow Parent or a How Parent?
What we loved from Andy’s message is that it provides a clear mindset about how we should communicate and relate to our children. When our children, regardless of age, come to us with a thought or idea is our first response to ask how or say wow? In our letter, The Purposeful Father Part 2, we discuss how fathers (and mothers too!) should “guard your tongue and tone” when measuring the level of excitement on your child’s face. Having the mindset of the WOW Parent, you welcome ideas, suggestions, or situations by actually saying “WOW!” By literally saying “wow” as your initial reaction versus responding with a “how” or some other practical/skeptical reply like what, when, where or no, you move towards accomplishing three important relational parenting goals.
Approachable – As parents, we want our children to feel comfortable to approach us with anything. We want them to openly, without reservation, come to us with not only their hurts, fears, frustrations, and failures, but also their joys, blessings, and successes. We what them to freely share their Private World because they trust us and the safety of our reaction.
Foster Creativity – When you first respond with a “wow”, you are essentially telling your child, “I’m listening tell me more!” In that moment, your positive response provides your child self-confidence to elaborate on their idea, suggestion, or situation. It is a Time of Non-conflict where your child can express themselves openly and have the freedom to creatively elaborate on their thoughts
A Positive Example – How we communicate, react, or don’t react, sends a tangible example to our children. They learn by watching and listening to us. When we are characterized by responding with a positive “Wow”, we are providing a positive example of how to listen, react, and speak. In turn, this will also lead to positive behavior from your kids because they have learned it from you.
The How is not Forgotten and Practical Tips
Please know that how, what, when, where and why is never forgotten. These are all practical and meaningful questions that do need to be addressed. The key point here is timing. In the moment, be the Wow Parent. Later in the day or a couple of days later, you can always circle back and get the practical details if needed. But at the very least, you’ve begun a conversation that started off on a positive note.
Do you actually have to say “Wow” all the time? No, but it effectively illustrates the mindset. You could also genuinely say, “awesome”, “cool”, “Terrific”, “That’s an exciting idea”, and the list goes on. Having a list of positive words or phases, already in mind, for future conversations will help you to guard your tongue and tone when needed.
Health and safety ALWAYS supersedes being a Wow parent in the moment. Like when your 4 year old says she’s running across the busy street to look at the neighbors new dog. Or your teen says they are going to a friend’s house to get a piercing. These are not wow parent moments!
Lastly, as parents, you won’t be perfect nor can you be the Wow Parent 100% of the time. But you can be characterized by being a good parent who is the Wow parent that welcomes new ideas and creativity, most of the time.
Blessings to your family,
Shelly and Rich