In 1997 we bought an Acura TL, just prior to having our first child. Today, Trevor drives that car at College with over 245,000 miles on the odometer. How did that car last so long? We made sure to use the right fuel, we were diligent with regular oil changes and maintenance, and took good care of the exterior and interior. Sure, there were times when we used the wrong fuel, missed oil changes, and had youngsters periodically “trash” the car with food accidents. But overall, we were characterized by maintaining and keeping good care of our car.
At this point we’re sure you see the analogy to parenting coming! So here it goes… Our parenting process is not unlike how we maintained our car! If you want positive long-term results, you’ll need to make sure you fuel your children daily with a life-giving environment filled with words of life, make sure you are consistently instructing/training/coaching your children by filling their moral warehouse, and making sure the “exterior” behavior is truly reflecting the “interior” heart!
Fuel Your Children
If you consistently put the wrong fuel in your car, you will have less fuel efficiency (poorer gas mileage) and inferior engine performance. Have you considered how you are fueling your child?
A few weeks ago, Lis and Dave wrote about the importance of Speaking Words of Life. In their letter, they outlined how speaking life (good fuel) can improve brain development and encourage proper behavior in our children. Conversely, if we fuel our child with negative words and parent with sarcasm and cynicism, for example, we impair the healthy neurological functions of our child’s brain and discourage right behavior.
Fuel your children daily by speaking life words and create a life-giving environment that encourages right behavior.
Regularly Maintain Your Child’s Moral Behavior
If you regularly maintain your car according to your car’s service guidelines, chances are you won’t find yourself on the side of the road with a major (and expensive) problem that needs to be repaired.
As parents, if we are consistent in training and instructing our child during Times of Non-Conflict (TONIC), the likelihood of having major parenting issues later on is significantly reduced. Consistently and intentionally parenting during a time of non-conflict, provides opportune teaching moments where you fill your child’s moral/behavioral warehouse with the “Why” of appropriate versus inappropriate behavior. Over time, your child will be able to draw upon this information that you have been consistently maintaining, in order to behave out of the love of virtue rather than the fear of reproof.
Be consistent by regularly maintaining your child’s moral behavior to avoid major problems down the road!
A Child’s Clean Exterior Behavior Should Reflect The Child’s Heart
If the outside of your car looks great, but the inside isn’t vacuumed, dusted and free of wrappers and trash, what’s the point of a clean car?
Sometimes in our parenting, we become more concerned about the outward appearance of our child’s behavior and neglect to see if it’s truly a reflection of our child’s heart. For example, when your child meets and engages an adult, is it only because it’s what mom and dad told them to do (exterior)? Or are they genuinely sincere in the engagement (interior), which is a reflection of their heart?
Don’t just clean your child’s outward behavior, but make sure the interior heart is clean as well!
Car and Child Care
Proper fueling, maintaining, and cleaning your car will keep it running well, prevent breakdowns and keep it looking good for a long time. The same holds true for our children! If we make sure to fuel our children daily with words of life, maintain their moral warehouse with consistent instruction during times of non-conflict, and make sure the clean exterior reflects the clean interior, we can be confident that our children will be prepared for the road of life.
One final thought… If you’ve lost or misplaced your owner’s manual or, perhaps, are looking for more specific information, we encourage you to take a parenting class or attend a parenting workshop. While much of the information in our analogy may seem obvious or intuitive, there is no downside to refreshing your knowledge and getting encouragement from other parents. Our next parenting class, Parenting from The Tree of Life, starts this week and we would love to see you there: http://chcc.org/opportunities/parenting-tree-life-series-part-one-life-children-relationships/
Blessings to your family,
Shelly and Rich