As parents, spouses, friends, and coworkers, it is much easier to give advice or instruction than to lead as the proper example ourselves. Often times it’s the old expression, “Do as I say, not as I do!” Of course we would never say that out loud, but subconsciously we probably say this more often than we care to admit. We know that we have caught ourselves plenty of times in these circumstances!
When our boys were very young, we had a difficult time getting them to stay buckled in their car seats. No matter what we said or what structured consequences we gave them, nothing seemed to work. That’s when Shelly pointed out to Rich that he wasn’t very consistent about wearing his own seat belt. Once he began wearing his seat belt all the time and not moving the car until everyone had their seat belts buckled, did the issue go away.
In another instance, we were working with the kids to eat the healthier foods that we were having at mealtimes However, Shelly would still prepare additional food just in case the boys didn’t like what she had fixed. Such as fixing peas, which they liked, when she had made broccoli. By doing this, it sent a mixed message to Trevor and Alex about choices and Shelly was setting an example that she was a short-order cook! Soon she realized that she was her own worst enemy and she became overwhelmed trying to adapt every meal. This ended when she realized that this was not the example she wanted to set.
Now that our boys are older, being the proper example seems even more critical as they begin driving and developing personal relationships outside our home. Perhaps there are some behaviors and attitudes at home, at work or in your relationships that you may not be aware that you are demonstrating? Here are some areas we’ve been mindful of over the years and the questions we ask ourselves:
Children speaking disrespectfully or interrupting Mom and/or Dad
How do you speak to your spouse? Do you interrupt conversations? How do you speak to others on the phone? Am I characterized by speaking words of life?
Gossiping, complaining, whining at home, work, or in relationships
Do you gossip? What is the tone of your conversations at work or with friends? Do your children see you complaining and whining? Why do all our friends come to us with all their complaints? Does “misery love company?”
Improper use of technology
How much of your free time do you spend on your phone, tablet and computer? Are you addicted to games, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, or Twitter? Do you put your phone away at meals, while driving, going to a movie or when you go to parties?
The point is to be mindful of how your personal example affects those around you. What you say and what you do should be one and the same. It becomes the example that others will see and one you want your spouse and children to strive towards.
Blessings to your family,
Shelly and Rich