In Part 1 of this series last week, we highlighted three areas that Moms and Dads should understand as they begin to formulate a strategy to parent in the Digital Age.
- Health Effects – Brain Development, Melatonin & Dopamine
- Safety Issues – Cyber Bullying, Identify Theft, Online Predators
- Behavior Complications – Moods, Empathy & Relationships
The research and information in these areas provides you with knowledge you need to form a healthy perspective without fearing the challenges that come from the abundance of technology we all must responsibly manage.
“Thank goodness we don’t have to deal with that yet”
“I’d rather have my son/daughter play on their phone or video games, than get into trouble”
“My kiddos are fine because we have ALL the cyber controls enabled”
These are among the common declarations we’ve heard parents tell us in our parenting classes. Unfortunately, we see many parents not keeping up with the information/research and they lose their perspective on technology use in their home. They are parenting with rose colored glasses!
Do you have an informed perspective when it comes to parenting in the digital age? Here are two concepts to consider in order to adequately frame your perspective with technology in your home:
1) The Technology Funnel – The funnel concept is taken from the Parenting from The Tree of Life curriculum we teach and it illustrates how we sometimes provide too many freedoms to our children relative to their age and maturity. Likewise, we can also become too strict and not offer enough freedoms for the appropriate age of our child. Below is a diagram that demonstrates the general idea.
In the context of digital media and technology, “parenting outside the funnel” would describe a 4 year old with an iPhone or a 12 year old with full access (17+ or MA) to any games or apps their heart desires. Conversely, not allowing your teenager the freedom to text or facetime with grandma and grandpa is too restrictive.
When evaluating your perspective in relation to the Technology Funnel, consider these types of questions:
What behavior or attitude issues do I already have with a particular child that are increased with technology use?
Does my child have the emotional and moral maturity to handle the impact a smart phone or tablet will have on them?
Are they characterized by demonstrating responsible behavior in other areas?
Take an honest look at your child’s technology use and determine, based upon their age, maturity level and the other questions we offered, if your child has too many technology freedoms.
With our youngest son Alex, we realized that we were giving him the same technology freedoms that we gave our older son Trevor who was two years older. A two year age difference with technology freedoms is significant and we had some serious re-parenting to do! It was challenging for us to take back the freedoms we initially thought were ”no big deal.” But having several conversations with Alex explaining WHY we were temporarily taking back these freedoms, he could understand reasoning based upon similar information/research we discussed last week. He didn’t like it, but he understood and accepted it.
Are you allowing too many technology freedoms (devices, apps, video games, time using their devices, etc..) with your children? Where are you on the funnel with each of your children?
2) Family Values and Standards – Establishing family values and standards means that everyone, including mom and dad, is held to the exact same values and standards we set for our children. For example, if you don’t want your children using their phones or tablets at the dinner table, then mom and dad need to put their phones away as well. We can only take our kids as far as we are willing to go ourselves.
Armed with the awareness and understanding you gained from last week’s letter, use it to clearly identify your family values and standards with technology. Here are just a few of values and standards we set in the Howard home:
- No phones during meals
- No phones, tablets or laptops in bedrooms after 8:00pm (Must be left on the kitchen table!)
- Family time supersedes all technology time – Always!
- Homework, chores, practice, other committed obligations come first
- We must use our technology responsibly (more on this next week!)
Keep in mind that there are special exceptions to the standards (not values) we set and we clearly defined those as well. For example, we allowed the boys to use their tablets or phones for homework if it was required.
If your child is more easily led and influenced by others, rather than your family values and standards, then you may be dealing with unwanted behavior and attitudes. Please note that these problems only become more amplified with technology usage. Therefore, as parents, we need to make certain that the strength of our family values and standards outweighs that of negative influences!
Next week we will offer some practical ideas and suggestions for you to consider implementing in your home whether you have a toddlers or teen.
For those of you in the Denver Metro Area, we encourage you to join us with your kids, from elementary age (9+) kids through high school, for our Screenagers Event on September 10th in Lone Tree. You will get to view this award-winning documentary and come away with a strategy for your family based on many of the topics we will be addressing in these three letters!
CLICK HERE to attend our Screenagers Event and see the documentary trailer!
Blessings to your family,
Shelly and Rich