As we wrap up several of our fall parenting classes this week, we were reminded of our own family journey and how far we have come.  Looking back on all the seasons of our parenting, there was one thing we did when our boys turned 13 that made a significant difference in all our lives as they became teenagers.  We came up with a Year of Discovery, which is compilation of ideas we took from many different resources that we presented to Trevor and Alex on their thirteenth birthdays.

We are not Jewish, but we loved the idea of a Bar or Bat Mitzvah which is the traditional launching of boys and girls into adulthood when they turn thirteen.  It is a celebration coupled with a spiritual investigation designed (we think) to provide a perspective that they are transitioning mind, body, and soul from a child into an adult.  Having been to several of these events, we always came away very moved.  So, we decided early on that we would come up with something similar for our boys.  Initially, we weren’t exactly sure what “it” would look like, but we began formulating some ideas during CouchTime and incorporating some thoughts and suggestions Rich got from Dave (as in Lis and Dave Marr) about Dad’s writing love letters to their kids.

So motivated with the Love Letter and Bar Mitzvah ideas, we came up with The Year of Discovery which is a yearlong celebration and conversation of 13 different discovery items relating to mind, body and soul perspectives.  The first item of discovery was our love letter that we presented them on their birthday.  Our love letter began with summarizing some highlights from their youth and sharing with them many of the characteristics we cherish about them.  We then offered them a vision of what we thought the 18 year old (graduating high school) version of themselves would want us to tell and advise their 13 year old self.  In order to make the vision, ideas and concepts discernible to the thirteen year old mind, we provided an analogy and metaphors to help them discern the message.

For Trevor, we wrote to him about being like a painter and creating a masterpiece from a blank canvas. With Alex, we wrote to him about being an adventurer and traveling around the world.  We would then conclude our love letter by alluding to the different discovery items that we would surprise them with throughout the year.  Here is an excerpt from Alex’s Letter showing how we incorporated his analogy with concepts and ideas we wanted to convey over his year of discovery:

______________________

As our family tradition, we will be surprising you throughout the year with 13 special “discoveries” to assist you as you begin to plan your journey into adulthood.  You will discover many useful and entertaining teachings and mindsets that will assist you in your planning.

Some of the ideas and concepts we’ll discuss include:

  • You define your journey and manifest its outcome.
  • You are characterized by how you travel.
  • Never travel out of fear or compulsion.
  • Always travel out of love and intention.
  • Embrace your feelings and emotions.
  • Find strength in being vulnerable, but not naive.
  • Steward your life – your relationships, your time, your opportunities and your blessings.
  • Traveling will be frustrating, disappointing and annoying at times.  Other times it will seem easy, effortless and fun.
  • Sometimes, you’ll think, “why did I do that?”  Other times you’ll think, “Thank you God for helping me to correct and learn from my mistake!”
  • “Intention without action” is the same as “Faith without works is dead.”

Alex, we are so excited for you!  You have so many wonderful choices, options and opportunities ahead of you.  This is an amazing and fantastic time of life!  We have no doubt that you will be successful in whatever adventure you plan and live…

______________________

So what do the surprise discovery items look like?  They are specific activities that directly relate to the love letter and the vision, ideas and concepts you presented to them.  These activities will vary since each child is different with different interests, but here are some discovery ideas for each of the mind, body and soul categories which included some practical activities:

Mind
  • Pick 2 books to read (not school work) before your next birthday.
  • Learn to cook (other than the basics).
  • Attend a leadership conference or camp.
Body
  • Pick and train for a 5k race for the family to run.
  • Plan a day hiking trip to the mountains.
  • Identify your athletic/health goals and how you will achieve them.
Soul
  • Get baptized and really learn what that means.
  • Pick a volunteer project(s).
  • Attend a live concert or a play.

We would present each of these discovery activities with a surprise lunch or dinner with mom and/or dad throughout the year.  We would talk about how these activities were related to what we wrote in their letter.  Sometimes we would also offer a related incentive like an amazon gift card for reading 2 books for example.

We loved and cherished the Year of Discovery with each of our boys and it was a great way to kick off the teen years.  As parents, it also provided us a wonderful way to transition our relationship with them as little kids to a new relationship with them as young adults.  It became an invaluable vehicle for us to initiate many conversations and plant seeds throughout the teen years.

The teen years were fantastic for us!  We were challenged and enjoyed every age/stage in our parenting journey, but the teen years with our boys were truly gratifying.  Our hope and prayer is that you find this idea, like many in our Tuesday Letters, an encouragement that will foster ideas for your family regardless of where you are at in your journey!

Blessings to your Family,

Shelly and Rich