Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger.
Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break.
Believe the best rather than the worst.
People have a way of living up or down to your opinion of them.
Remember that true friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship.
The person you choose to marry is deserving of the courtesies and kindnesses you bestow on your friends.
Please hand this down to your children and your children’s children.
The more things change the more they stay the same.

– By Jane Wells in 1886
(A note for her daughter while preparing for her wedding)

It’s amazing how marriage advice from the 1800s can still be meaningful and applicable to us today.  True wisdom is timeless!

  • Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger. Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break. Love is patient and kind…When we are the least lovable, that is when we need to show and receive patience and kindness the most. When showing love, patience, and kindness to your spouse, even though it’s hard in the moment, an amazing thing happens – anger is diffused in our heart and in theirs. Do not give bitterness and hate a place to grow.
  • Believe the best rather than the worst. People have a way of living up or down to your opinion of them.  Your thoughts are powerful. Thoughts impact us and carve pathways through the brain.  They can either release feel-good or stress-inducing hormones throughout our body.  In fact, “Confirmation Bias” says we tend to look for, interpret and recall information in a way that supports or strengthens our pre-existing ideas and convictions. So, believing in the best in your spouse, focusing on their best qualities, seeking to understand and not to judge them, alters your outlook and theirs.  Believing the best in your spouse provides a place for love and encouragement to bring about the best in the one you love.
  • Remember that true friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship.  The person you choose to marry is deserving of the courtesies and kindnesses you bestow on your friends.  Keeping your friendship tender and vibrant does not happen when it’s taken for granted or abused. You need to have regular date nights and have fun together, do loving things for each other with even more thoughtfulness and kindness than you would show a friend. We promised to love, honor, and cherish each other when we got married. Honor is a verb meaning to regard with great respect. Cherish is a verb meaning to protect and care for lovingly.
  • Please hand this down to your children and your children’s children. The more things change the more they stay the same. Your love and marriage are being lived out before your children for better or for worse. It defines for them the institution of marriage.  We need to be mindful of the many treasures we want to pass on to our children and our children’s children: patience, kindness, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, fun, friendship, encouragement, cooperation, leadership, understanding, romantic love and so much more.  Your marriage is meant to be a protective layer of love, security and blessing for your children who will, in turn, pass it on to their children as a beautiful legacy.

This Valentine’s Day, we hope this message and wisdom brings a renewed perspective on the importance of your marriage.  Cherish the preciousness of the one the Lord gave you!

Blessings upon your marriage and your family,

Shelly and Rich

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Marriage Check Up

Creating and maintaining a strong and healthy marriage is one of the most important things you’ll ever do… and it doesn’t happen without attention and intention!  We offer the online SYMBIS Marriage Assessment to help couples build on their relationship strengths and address those areas that need some attention.