With spring right around the corner and summer fast approaching, you are likely signing the kids up for all their activities – baseball, dance, soccer, flag football, camps, swimming, and list goes on and on. We are big fans and proponents of getting kids involved in sports and other organized activities. In fact, together we coached and team-parented both our boys in a variety of sports for over 10 years. There are some great life lessons and wonderful teaching moments that these activities provided. We also enjoyed and treasured the community that developed with other families.

Yet, as our boys progressed past t-ball and flag football, we quickly discovered their activities became an overwhelming, all-consuming, massive burden to our overall family life. We ALL became stressed out! “Drive here, drive there, pick them up, don’t forget the orange slices, what about the team party, coaches gifts, what team is Alex trying out for next year?, Is Trevor going to summer camp….?” Pretty soon every evening and weekend was booked and we still had to go to work, clean the house, pay bills, fix dinner, and somehow find time in the midst of it all to recharge and enjoy one another.

In our culture, there is a lot of peer pressure on parents when it comes to sports and other activities. Parents begin to feel that if we are not going crazy and spending all of our time, energy and resources on our child’s activities, we are the worst parent in the history of the world! It’s as if you should sacrifice your own happiness and your family’s wellbeing for your child’s sole pleasure and future on the All-Star team.

Eventually we realized the toll it was taking on Team Howard and we took a timeout. We restored our sanity and our life by putting the focus on the thing that actually matters most… Our Family. The primary relationship in the family is the husband/wife relationship. If things are good and balanced with mom and dad, then everything else seems to fall into place. We learned our children’s activities should be an enjoyable addition to the family environment and not the primary demanding force. So here are a few family covenants we came up with during Couch Time for our family:

  • Let the kids try all the activities they would like once. Then narrow it down and let them pick their 2 favorites – One Spring and One Fall.
  • We would keep our summers open for family outings and vacations and keep our winters free to enjoy the holidays and ski. This allowed us to build our family identity and grow in our relationships.
  • It’s ok to a miss a practice or a game as long as we gave the coach appropriate notice. We would not sacrifice an opportunity to go on a fall break trip or miss a special occasion just because of a particular game or practice.
  • We would not pay to get the boys extra coaching on the side. We know many parents that have paid “Big Money” to help their little guy/gal become more competitive and develop them into world-class athletes. The reality, however, is that of the 35 million kids that play youth sports each year, less than 6% are able to play in high school. From that, only 420,000 go on to play in college with only 177,559 total NCAA scholarships awarded.
  • Have fun! This is the most important thing. We need to enjoy it as well as our kids. We never insisted or forced our boys play to sports or do any other activities like scouts. The point behind all these activities is to have fun and learn some great life lessons along the way like teamwork, how to win, how to lose, how to encourage and be a leader, etc..

As parents, and as the primary relationship in the family, we intentionally made these decisions and it made all the difference in world for us! Yes, it was a little awkward at first with other parents and coaches, but that quickly passed and we were able to find the peace and balance in our Family. What does balance look like for your family?

Blessings and Balance to your family,

Rich and Shelly