We are often asked this question: “Is there one thing we can do to strengthen our marriage, relationship with our kids, and create a healthy family identity?” The answer is yes – Serve others together! Investing in the lives of others, as a family, is a rich and meaningful way to rejuvenate family bonds and experience many valuable life-lessons together.
Why serve together?
In a society seemingly consumed with being self-focused, entitled, and self-pitying, what better way is there to tangibly manifest the opposite values and demonstrate love by being others-oriented, grateful, and empowered? Through serving others you will actually reap a multitude of rewards by gaining a broader perspective of purpose and a greater appreciation for life. Serving others is a gift that not only enlightens the kids, but us as well!
What does serving together look like?
For our family, we began serving other families by leading and facilitating parenting classes. We discussed with our little boys (4 and 6) that this was a Howard family effort and a way to help other Moms, Dads and their children to strengthen and improve their families. With this explanation, we were able to facilitate our class while Trevor and Alex went cheerfully (mostly) to child care knowing that they were helping families. To sustain and encourage them, we were always conscientious about telling them what was happening in our class and sharing the success stories we heard. Now, after twelve years, this has become a part of our family identity we all cherish together.
As our boys got older, we added several other service projects that we could physically do together. It would range from volunteering childcare, to participating in Operation Christmas Child, to working in our local community through the Love in Action initiative. Today, Love in Action has now become a Howard family favorite as thousands of volunteers partner together to serve in our community – cleaning up schools, picking up our streets, beautifying parks, helping to maintain homes for those in need, delivering food boxes to our neighbors and much more.
How can you begin to serve and make it a part of your family identity?
“The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.” There are plenty of organizations (secular and non-secular) that would love to have motivated volunteers. It doesn’t necessarily have to be local outreach either. We know many families who have gone to Mexico and India to teach English or build schools and homes. We usually recommend that Mom and Dad narrow down the list of opportunities based upon their circumstances and ages of their children. Then have a family meeting to decide, as a family, what the project might be. The family meeting will create ownership for everyone and cultivate the family “Team” experience. Once you complete your service project, be sure to discuss and revisit as a family, what you experienced and the takeaways from the experience. This will reinforce your family bond and Family Identity.
It is very import to mention two key things we’ve encountered about serving. First, don’t try and do too much too soon – especially if you haven’t served before or have little ones. Serving is a process that should gradually become a part of your family culture and not some huge one-time event. Doing too much too soon can burn everyone out and become a major buzz-kill to your intention and motivation. Second, know that you may have a few “terrible” (as our boys would say) and less than optimal experiences along the way. That’s ok because life is like that! This provides you an opportunity to teach into the moment and a great way for you to demonstrate your character to your spouse and your kids about how to respond to a little adversity and elevate the good from each experience.
Blessings to your family,
Shelly and Rich
For more information on Love in Action in south Denver, feel free to check out the service opportunities at: http://chcc.org/love-in-action/