A Three-Part Series on Sports, Activities & Academics
Competitive Youth Sports & Activities Gone Wild
The Real Value of Youth Sports & Activities
Academics: Grades & School Work
Parenting is one of the most prideful areas of adult life and it can foster extreme emotions. When our children become kindergartners, we will rejoice in our child’s perfect behavior and then become horrified when we get reports of misbehavior from the teacher. In elementary school, we may think our child is the next Einstein when they are working equations well beyond what we did at that age. But then, we fall off the deep end when they get a “needs improvement” on their first writing assignment. Upon reaching high school, we might think they are going to get a scholarship to Harvard after the first semester of straight A’s and then look for a series of tutors and educational specialists to help our son or daughter who gets a “C” the next semester.
Grades and schoolwork can often be an area of conflict in the home. Yes, there are always exceptions, but for a majority of us there will be tension and conflict at some point. The key, we believe once again, is to maintain the proper perspective and create a healthy academic environment at home.
As we mentioned in our Competitive Youth Sports & Activities letter a couple weeks ago, a proper perspective can make all the difference. We love this sign that was posted at the Ice Rink where Alex played competitive youth hockey because it equally applies to academics.
Your perspective regarding your child’s academic career, should be something like this:
“Your child’s success or lack of success in academics does not indicate what kind of parent you are. But having a student that is teachable, a great classmate, mentally prepared, resilient and tries their best IS a direct reflection of your parenting.”
It’s all about perspective! We wish we could have had that sign posted on our refrigerator when our boys started preschool! It would have helped us, early on, to keep our perspective in check! We tried, but there were a few times over the years that we went slightly bonkers about grades, teacher’s notes, missed assignments, and not spending enough time on homework!
Our outlook, in those moments, should’ve been on them being sponges. Sponges that gain knowledge, discerning the material, and the ability to build upon and apply what they learn. Fortunately, we realized that their educational success was a direct reflection of us keeping a proper parental perspective and creating a healthy, life giving, home environment for them to succeed.
In addition to keeping our perspective in check, creating a positive and healthy home environment for them to succeed will help them to reach their academic potential. Whatever level that might be. Most children are not geniuses and that’s ok. And YOU need to be ok with that as a parent. Pressuring a child to reach an unattainable academic level creates a multitude of problems and resentment that can last a life time. Our emotions, and getting caught up in comparisons, did get the better of us at times. But overall, we were characterized by creating an environment for them to reach their potential. Here are a few ideas we incorporated that might provide you with some insight.
Consistent nighttime routine and eating healthy – Getting plenty of sleep and eating a healthy balanced diet is, in our opinion, half the battle when it comes to creating a healthy home environment for them to be productive and sucessful. 8:30 pm began the “whine”down (what kid, 6 or 16, likes to go to bed?!?!) process. This process consisted of prepping for the next day, brushing teeth, reading and praying before lights out at 9:00. In High-School bed time was slightly later.
Minimizing fast-food, junk food and sugar can be a huge help in the environment you wish to create for their academic success. Did that mean we never went to McDonalds, eat Cheetos, or have Frosted Flakes for breakfast? Of course not. We just didn’t make a big deal about not eating that way, so they never really saw it as a prohibition. Instead, the Howard family strives to be characterized by eating healthy.
Even as adults, we all know it can be a huge difference maker in our day when we’ve gotten plenty of sleep and been eating healthy foods!
Freedom when and where to study – Some parents can get a bit legalistic when it comes to when and where to study. Not us. We felt this was an early privilege we could allow them to manage and learn from. After starting a few school years with a set homework routine, we permitted Trevor and Alex the freedom and responsibility to decide when and where they could study… as long as they continued to do quality work on time! Yes, there were times when we needed to intervene and reset the structure and routine, but they could earn back the freedom and responsibility.
Both our boys loved studying at the kitchen table after dinner even though they had desks in their rooms. They also developed the habit of getting most of their homework done at school (in class or free time), so they weren’t loaded in the evenings when we wanted to have family time.
Don’t do their school work – We have many educator friends, teaching kindergarten to college, that have told us countless stories of parents correcting assignments or actually doing their child’s homework (see the above sign)! Grades don’t go on a transcript until they reach high school, so you might as well let them learn the material themselves. Help them with their homework by asking questions and offering ideas or suggestions. If they get a C or “the world stops” and they get an F on an assignment, that’s fine. Don’t go nuts! That just tells you, and their teacher, that they need more work on that particular lesson or material. But then you need to follow up and help them understand the material. The key is to let them try all by themselves first. Even when they get frustrated. It’s all a part of the learning process. Learning is their job. Let them do the work so they can grow and develop into their potential!
Family Fun Night – As we mentioned in our family fun night letter, developing and maintaining family identity and traditions is extremely important. While Family Fun Night touches those bases, it also creates an atmosphere of fun and non-conflict. It’s a special time when we don’t discuss parenting issues, grades, homework, or anything else that might be a buzzkill to our time of fun and fellowship. There is plenty of time during the week to address any issues. Use this time to purely enjoy one another’s company. It will be tremendously therapeutic for you and your children!
Blessings to your family,
Shelly and Rich
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