There’s something about the start of a new school year that feels a lot like a new year.

New schedules. New routines. New expectations. New opportunities.

And while most of our attention naturally goes toward getting the kids ready—school supplies, clothes, activities, schedules, and homework—the beginning of a school year can be an important reset for the entire family.

For our boys, it was an opportunity to refocus, take on new responsibilities, and build on lessons learned from the previous year.

For us as mom and dad, it was an opportunity to look at our family, our marriage, and our own personal lives and ask:

What’s working? What isn’t? What do we need to restart, change, or do better?

Over the years, we discovered that going “back to school” looked very different depending on the season of life our boys were in. But one thing remained consistent:

The beginning of a new school year gave our family a natural opportunity to regroup, refocus, and get back on track.

Preschool Through 3rd or 4th Grade: Establishing Routines

At this age, going back to school was a no-brainer for our boys. They were usually excited and ready to go!

The novelty of school was still fresh. Recess, friends, snack time, and the anticipation of learning new things they could come home and tell Mom and Dad about were powerful motivators.

For us as parents, we were excited to get back to “normal.”

Summers were wonderful and filled with adventures, vacations, and family memories. But our schedules and routines had become pretty fluid. We adapted our days around whatever was happening so we could squeeze as much as possible out of those precious summer months.

Our back to school prep time was usually about 3 to 4 days of CouchTime figuring out and prioritizing the transition back to “normal” in two parts. 

Part one would consist of discussing our transition plan with the boys at dinner (a time of non-conflict).  We would talk about how great summer was and ask them what their favorite moments were.  This is a great way of reinforcing family identity too!   Next, we would talk about getting ready for school and getting back to the routines and responsibilities that help us throughout the year and enable us to enjoy our free time like fall break or summer vacations.  For example, nighttime routines, morning routines, home responsibilities (Chores), etc…

Part two of getting back to “normal” was all about Rich and Shelly!  We would talk about and prioritize all the things we wanted to reestablish in our family, our marriage, and our own personal lives.  Just getting back on track with a family routine was huge, but we would discuss becoming more consistent with things that we had been inconsistent with over spring and summer – Couch Time, Date Night, morning quiet time, diet and exercise, for example.

Late Elementary Through Middle School: Building Ownership

During these years, the novelty of going back to school had worn off and had become something the boys began to dread.  Some of it was the anxiety associated with transitioning from elementary school to middle school and middle school to high school.  But mostly, the boys saw school as work!  So long to recess. So long snack time. Hello report cards with grades!  Yes, it was still fun to see friends that you lost contact with over the summer, but now daily free time to play is gone and schoolwork takes on a greater importance with real homework.

Back to school during this season/stage was mostly the same as the early stage for us as parents, except we had the added obligation of getting the boys pumped-up (motivated) for school.  We would still discuss the awesome things we did over the summer, but we would then begin to discuss the importance of starting the school year strong.  Planting seeds and coaching the boys about the virtues of being proactive when others aren’t; the importance of focusing on subjects that are boring or challenging; taking a leadership role in their own personal responsibilities.  Instead of 3-4 days, we now took about a week before school started to prep the boys on these things while listening to and discussing any concerns or issues they had about the new school year starting.

With this new back-to-school initiative for our boys, personal accountability for us took on greater meaning.  How we expressed our view about work, becoming more consistent in our own personal responsibilities, and how we communicate as husband and wife at this stage is now under the full judgment from the hypocrisy police – Trevor and Alex.  And that is actually a good thing!  Having that extra level of accountability with our boys was great motivation for us to get ourselves back on track and stay motivated as well.

High School: Effort Matters

By the time our boys reached high school, one message became increasingly important – Effort matters.

This had become the theme as our boys started high school.  You reap what you sow.  Grades now count toward the opportunities they will have when they graduate.   As does their extracurricular activities and community service.  For Trevor and Alex, the pain of going back to school, on a scale of 1 to 10, was a 14.  So the back to school transition took us about a week to ten days.  We still incorporated many of the tools and processes from the previous back to school seasons/stages, but now we had the guys tell us what they needed to do to get ready for the new school year and what they wanted to achieve.  We talked about different strategies and tactics they might use for the year and discussed what they needed from mom and dad to help them succeed.

For our own personal growth, we asked the boys to tell us about things they thought we needed to improve upon.  We extended a conditional courtesy to Trevor and Alex to provide their input into our lives as individuals, spouses, and our family dynamic.  We were still mom and dad and have abundantly more life experience than our boys, so the condition of their input had to be offered with the respect and honor that comes with being their parents.  When you lead with empathy and seek understanding, you will help your kids make a smoother transition and create more harmony in the home as everyone works together to get “back to school and back on track.”

We love this time of year.  Regrouping, building upon successes/challenges, and sometimes hitting the reset button had been the cornerstone of going back to school for the Howards.  The start of the new school year provided valuable lessons for our boys and important reminders to us that taking the time to evaluate and make adjustments is an essential part of personal growth.  It is a lesson that serves all of us as we desire to reach our full potential.

Blessings to your family as you start a new school year!

Shelly and Rich

_____________________________________

Upcoming Online Classes

Take advantage of Early Bird Discounts!

Whether you’re parenting toddlers, navigating the middle years, or looking to build a stronger foundation for your family, these online classes are designed to encourage and equip you with practical tools you can begin applying right away.