Back to school has always been very similar to the start of a new year for our family.  It marks the beginning of a new school year with renewed expectations and resolutions not only for our boys, but also for us as parents.

For the kids, it’s a great time to get them refocused on their schedules, routines and revisit some lessons that were learned or challenges faced in the previous school year and over summer vacation.

For mom and dad, it’s a great time to get back on track with some resolutions – personal and family related – that may have gone by the wayside over the spring/summer – and perhaps initiate some new ones.

As we’ve mentioned several times, there are many stages or seasons as we grow personally and collectively as a family.  Here is what Back-to-School looked like for us at various stages/seasons:

Preschool to 3rd/4th grade

Back to school at this early age for the boys was a no-brainer.  They were always jacked-up to start school.  The novelty of school was still fresh.  Recess, playing with friends, having a snack time and the anticipation of learning new things they can share with mom and dad was hugely motivational for the kiddos.

As parents, we were excited to get back to “normal”!  Summers are great and full of adventures, but schedules and routines became organic.  We adapted our summer schedule as activities and vacations dictated so we could squeeze in as much as possible with the shorter 2 month summer vacation season.

Our back to school prep time was usually about 3 to 4 days of CouchTime figuring out and prioritizing the transition back to “normal” in two parts.  Part one would consist of discussing our transition plan with the boys at dinner (a time of non-conflict).  We would talk about how great summer was and ask them what their favorite moments were.  This is a great way of reinforcing family identity too!   Next, we would talk about getting ready for school and getting back to the routines and responsibilities that help us throughout the year and enable us to enjoy our free times like fall break or summer vacations.  For example, nighttime routines, morning routines, home responsibilities (Chores), etc…

Part two of getting back to “normal” was all about Rich and Shelly!  We would talk about and prioritize all the things we wanted to reestablish in our family, our marriage, and our own personal lives.  Just getting back on track with a family routine was huge, but we would discuss becoming more consistent with things that we had been inconsistent with over spring and summer – Couch Time, Date Night, morning quiet time, diet and exercise for example.

Late Elementary through Middle School

During these years, the novelty of going back to school had worn off and had become something the boys began to dread.  Some of it was the anxiety associated with transitioning from elementary school to middle school and middle school to high school.  But mostly, the boys saw school as work!  So long to recess. So long snack time. Hello report cards with grades!  Yes, it was still fun to see friends that you lost contact with over the summer, but now daily free time to play is gone and schoolwork takes on a greater importance with real homework.

Back to school during this season/stage was mostly the same as the early stage for us as parents, except we had the added obligation of getting the boys pumped-up (motivated) for school.  We would still discuss the awesome things we did over the summer, but we would then begin to discuss the importance of starting the school year strong.  Planting seeds and coaching the boys about the virtues of being proactive when others aren’t; the importance of focusing on subjects that are boring or challenging; taking a leadership role in their own personal responsibilities.  Instead of 3-4 days, we now took about a week before school started to prep the boys on these things while listening and discussing any concerns or issues they had about the new school year starting.

With this new back-to-school initiative for our boys, personal accountability for us took on greater meaning.  How we expressed our view about work, becoming more consistent in our own personal responsibilities, and how we communicate as husband and wife at this stage is now under the full judgment from the hypocrisy police – Trevor and Alex.  And that is actually a good thing!  Having that extra level of accountability with our boys was great motivation for us to get ourselves back on track and stay motivated as well.

High School

Effort matters!  This had become the theme as our boys started high school.  You reap what you sow.  Grades now count toward the opportunities they will have when they graduate.   As does their extracurricular activities and community service.  For Trevor and Alex, the pain of going back to school, on a scale of 1 to 10, was a 14.  So the back to school transition took us about a week to ten days.  We still incorporated many of the tools and processes from the previous back to school seasons/stages, but now we had the guys tell us what they needed to do to get ready for the new school year and what they wanted to achieve.  We talked about different strategies and tactics they might use for the year and discussed what they needed from mom and dad to help them succeed.

For our own personal growth, we asked the boys to tell us about things they thought we needed to improve upon.  We extended a conditional courtesy to Trevor and Alex to provide their input into our lives as individuals, spouses, and our family dynamic.  We were still mom and dad and have abundantly more life experience than our boys, so the condition of their input had to be offered with the respect and honor that comes with being their parents.  When you lead with empathy and seek understanding you will help your kids make a smoother transition and create more harmony in the home as everyone works together to get “back to school and back on track.”

We love this time of year.  Regrouping, building upon successes/challenges, and sometimes hitting the reset button had been the cornerstone of going back to school for the Howards.  The start of the new school year provided valuable lessons for our boys and important reminders to us that taking the time to evaluate and make adjustments is an essential part of personal growth.  It is a lesson that serves all of us as we desire to reach our full potential.

Blessings to your family,

Shelly and Rich

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