For every parent, there comes a day when you wake up to realize that your relationship with your maturing teen is about to change.  They are most likely a high school senior, making guided decisions for their future and taking the necessary steps to prepare for their life apart from you.  It’s a challenging time for most kids as they may seem to be hesitant or seem like they can hardly wait to get out on their own.  For parents, it’s equally challenging as well:

  • Have we taught them all the practical and moral lessons they will need to keep them grounded and flourishing at the same time?
  • What will my relationship with my child be like after they leave the nest?

If you are a parent of a young adult and in this season of transition, you know what we’re talking about.  And if you have already dropped a child off at college, you know the vacuum it has created in your life and in your home as you are now tasked with releasing your young adult into the world.   Here are three ways that can bless (and help!) you and your young adult in this season.

Bless them with space to be independent

Recognize their need for independence. This is a time to let them initiate contact with you and a time to give them the space to find their way.  We didn’t tell our boys what to do.  Rather, we found it best to let them tell us what they are thinking they should do.  We chose to not offer advice unless it was solicited by them.

We were told, by experts during a college orientation, that it takes about 6 weeks for most kids to start getting home sick and to not be surprised if we rarely heard from our student.  Absence does make the heart grow fonder and our first contact with our boys was extra special when they called to “check in” with us!

Bless them by trusting them and your parenting 

This is a time to be flexible as your young adult figures things out. During their Senior year of high school, for example, they may appear hesitant to make decisions but maybe they are stuck between wanting to please you and not wanting to make the wrong choice.  Reaffirming your confidence in them and trusting your years of parenting will provide them space and freedom to make their own decisions.

This is also a time to guard our tongue and tone and avoid rushing to quick judgements.  Don’t miss the opportunity to bless them by trusting all the life lessons you’ve instilled through the years.  Exchange your worry for trust.  Let go of the agenda you have envisioned, so they can discover the blessed plans God has for them.  There were times we may have wished our boys had made a quicker or wiser decision about something, but that is how they got to find out if everything they had learned from us proved true.  Sometimes it doesn’t go the way we want it to, but there are always “silver linings” in these moments. It’s in disappointments and mistakes that they learn what they are truly capable of and how to stand firm upon their convictions.  When you are flexible rather than judgmental in these times, you get a chance to deepen your trusting relationship with them.

Bless them by growing and transitioning well yourself

One day your nest will be totally empty and then what?  Studies show that becoming a parent changes your brain as new neuro-pathways form when you bond with your children.  This is a significant factor that makes this transition so difficult for moms and dads.  Yet releasing your kids can be a time of amazing growth and change for you as a couple and as individuals.  As you have been raising your children, hopefully you have continued to invest in your relationship with your spouse – remember CouchTime, Love Languages and Date Night!  Take this time to celebrate how your role as parents has blessed you, but look forward to more time to focus on one another.  Plan a trip, join a couple’s small group, sign up for a marriage conference or anything that you’ve been putting off during those busy parenting years!  But also continue to grow in your communication by reaffirming that you are each other’s greatest confidant and encourager. We’ve heard it said, “if you never stop working on your marriage, then you won’t have to start working on your marriage.”  Continue to let your relationship be a blessing and source of confidence for your young adult.  Growing in your marriage relationship is a blessing to you and them even long after they’ve left.

The days are long, but the years are short!

Parents with younger children might be thinking that there is plenty of time before any of this information becomes relevant.  However, you can use this as motivation, with a greater sense of urgency, to prepare for this time that will quickly be upon you.

For those parents in the thick of children leaving the nest, and we see many of you on social media, we empathize with you during this emotional and challenging time!  Our prayer and hope is that you transition well and that you and your young adult(s) will be greatly blessed in this season.

Blessings to your full or empty nest,

Shelly and Rich

Check out our new fall 2021 marriage and parenting classes & workshops!

https://onefamilyhwl.org/events/

Some of our favorite resources that have helped us navigate the teen and young adult years with our boys are Praying the Scriptures for Your Teens and Praying the Scriptures for Your Adult Children by Jodie Berndt.