For the Howards, this is our favorite time of year. It’s a great time to reflect upon our blessings, enjoy many family traditions, and refocus our perspective on our life’s priorities. It truly is the most wonderful time of the year!
However, in all that wonderfulness, it can also be the most stressful time of the year… Especially this year! Many of us are missing loved ones and friends this Christmas Season as we practice social distancing and other COVID restrictions. We are trying to wrap gifts and “Deck the Halls” while we’re wrapping up remote learning with our kids this semester and trying to work from home. No wonder so many of us are becoming overly stressed this holiday season.
Over the years, we’ve had our challenges trying to fight the holiday stress. We discovered that finding and making room for peace and joy is what really keeps us in check. It allows us to focus on the reason for the season! Here are a few tips that we try to implement to help us ease our Holiday Stress and find Peace and Joy:
Lower your expectations to a realistic level – The key is to have a realistic perspective on the Christmas season and not unattainable, perfect, “social media worthy” expectations. We become our own worst enemy when we envision the perfect Christmas season for our families. We tend to think back on wonderful Christmases past and concoct, in our own minds, the perfect formula that mimics or even improves upon those experiences and the feelings they generated. In truth, you will never recreate those past Christmases exactly, no matter how much effort you put into cleaning, decorating, cooking, and shopping. Treasure those past Christmases but don’t idolize them. Focus on creating new experiences, family traditions and treasures and let the magic of Christmas do its work.
Refocus on love languages – When we focus on each other’s love languages this time of year, we gain emotional perspective. Sometimes as a fun holiday activity, all of us will retake the love language test and see if they have changed. Then we’ll go around the dinner table and give examples of ways our primary love language needs could be met; listing ways that would make us feel even more loved. Remember, our tendency is to demonstrate our own primary love language and expect others to respond to us in kind. This little activity shifts that perspective back to our family members and makes us consider our friends, teachers, and coworkers as well. The love language test (Adult & Child) can be found in the resource section of our OneFamily website.
Find or create space (a time of non-conflict) – By finding or creating space(s) in your day, you will find peace… and then you will find joy. Be realistic and know that in order to find or create space there will be a trade-off. But the joy you will experience will vastly outweigh the temporary discomfort you might experience. This might mean taking a technology break – turning off phones, tablets, computers, and TVs for example. For us, space means extra quiet time in the mornings, more or longer CouchTimes before dinner, and extra family time after dinner playing games, making a list of your blessings (we actually do this!) or watching Christmas shows together. This time of intentional non-conflict is the pressure valve that relieves the stress that can build up this time of year, even when we are already experiencing more family time 24/7 than we ever have before. Having meaningful time of non-conflict always allows us to enjoy one another as a family without the pressures from school or work. More so this holiday season, try to invest in finding and creating peace and your return on that investment will be experiencing moments of joy and contentment!
It’s ok to say no – During the holidays, we tend to feel even more obligated to say yes to everything and every opportunity. We tell ourselves if we don’t say yes, then we either missing out or we are the Scrooge or Grinch! You can’t do everything and you spread yourself (and your Peace and Joy) too thin. Try asking yourself, “Would I rather do a few of these things well with a peaceful and joyful attitude or do everything with a resentful heart?” Here are some gracious ways to say no: “Thank you for the opportunity, but I’m already committed to… “; “I’m unable to this year, but keep me in mind for next year…”
Be disruptable – A few years ago, we heard a great message at church about being disruptable. It’s the idea that you are open to being interrupted or inconvenienced for the sake of relationship. For example, when you are out for a run or working out, it’s ok to stop and help someone take a family photo (rather than a “selfie”) or visit with a neighbor putting up lights. Being disruptable can mess up your routine and schedule. It can be inconvenient. But who cares? Workouts, routines, and schedules will always be there, but the opportunity to connect in relationship and be disruptable, may not. And most important, being disruptable with those closest to us is often the thing that says “I love you” the most. These moments could be the most precious and life giving times. So allow yourself to be disruptable and not bothered this Christmas. And who knows, maybe the joy you will experience will cause you to carry your disruptablitiy over into the New Year!
May the Peace and Joy of the Christmas season bless your family,
Shelly and Rich