There is something meaningful about the beginning of every school year.
Whether you’re walking your five-year-old into kindergarten for the first time, watching your middle-schooler confidently disappear into a crowd of classmates, sending your teenager off to high school, or hugging your son or daughter goodbye at a college dorm, every new season asks parents to do the same difficult thing:
Release a little more.
Each year our children take another step toward the adults they are becoming. Every backpack, every classroom, every driver’s license, every graduation, and every dorm-room goodbye reminds us that parenting has never been about holding on forever. It has always been about preparing our children to stand confidently on their own.
For some of you, this year’s transition may feel small, but for others, it feels enormous.
Maybe you’re fighting back tears after your youngest boarded the school bus. Maybe you’ve just unpacked a college dorm room and are driving home to an unusually quiet house. Or perhaps you’re simply realizing your once-little child isn’t so little anymore.
No matter where you find yourself, the questions are often the same:
- Have we taught them what they need to know?
- Will they make wise decisions?
- Have we prepared them spiritually, emotionally, and practically?
- What will our relationship look like as they become more independent?
These questions remind us that parenting is a journey of continual preparation—and continual release.
As we have walked through each stage with our boys, we’ve discovered three practices that have helped us bless them while also helping us navigate the changing seasons of parenthood.
- Bless Them with Space to Grow
Every new stage requires a little more independence. For those of you who have taken our online classes, remember the Parenting Funnel concept?!?!
That doesn’t mean withdrawing from our children—it means adjusting how we support them.
As our boys grew older, we found it helpful to ask more questions than give answers. Rather than telling them what they should do, we often asked what they believed was the wisest next step.
When our boys left for college, orientation leaders told us something we never forgot:
“Don’t be surprised if you don’t hear much from your student during the first six weeks.”
At first, that sounded discouraging; however, we later realized what a gift that comment became.
Those first phone calls home weren’t made because we demanded them—they came because our boys wanted to share their lives with us.
- Bless Them by Trusting Them—and Trusting Your Parenting
Every parent wrestles with worry.
Will they make good friends?
Will they make wise choices?
Will they stay close to God?
Will they remember everything we’ve taught them?
For some parents, the temptation is to control areas they should allow their child to take responsibility for. That means trusting them and your years of parenting.
During the senior year of high school especially, young adults often seem hesitant—not because they’re incapable, but because they’re learning to make decisions without depending entirely on Mom and Dad.
This is when guarding our tongue, tone, and snap judgments matters even more.
Instead of communicating fear, we can communicate confidence and reassurance.
Instead of assuming the worst, we can remember the years of conversations, prayers, corrections, encouragement, and examples that God has used to shape them.
Certainly, they won’t make every decision perfectly and neither did we.
Mistakes often become the classroom where wisdom grows deepest.
Sometimes the greatest gift we can give our children is the freedom to experience consequences while knowing our love remains steady.
Exchange worry for trust.
Release your agenda and allow them to learn, discover, and grow!
- Bless Them by Growing Through the Transition Yourself
For parents of college students—or those approaching an empty nest—this transition can feel surprisingly emotional.
Researchers tell us that becoming parents actually changes our brains as strong emotional bonds are formed with our children. It’s no wonder letting go can be difficult.
If you’re married, this is an opportunity to intentionally reinvest in your relationship. Remember the habits that strengthen marriages—CouchTime, speaking one another’s Love Languages, and regular Date Nights.
Plan the trip you’ve postponed, attend a marriage conference, rediscover hobbies and ministry opportunities you’ve placed on hold during the busiest parenting years.
One of our favorite reminders is this:
“If you never stop working on your marriage, you won’t have to start working on your marriage.”
Your growing, healthy marriage continues to bless your children long after they’ve left home.
The Days Are Long, but the Years Are Short
If your children are still young, don’t skip over this article thinking, “We’ll worry about that later.”
Later arrives much sooner than you think.
Every bedtime story… Every family dinner… Every ride to school… Every difficult conversation… Every prayer together…
These are the moments preparing them—and preparing you—for the next season.
And if you’re one of the many parents dropping a child off at college this month, we want you to know you’re not alone.
We understand the mix of joy, pride, excitement, and grief that comes with watching them walk away.
The goal was never simply to raise children. It was to raise adults who know they are deeply loved by God and by you.
Every school year is another opportunity to loosen our grip while strengthening our relationship.
Because the greatest gift we can give our children isn’t holding on tighter. It’s blessing them as they learn to fly.
______________________________________________________
A New Chapter of Life
We look at you and wonder,
“Where have the years all gone?”
What happened to our yesterdays? It hasn’t been that long…
Since you were learning how to ride a bike and catch a ball.
When did you get so confident?
How did you grow so tall?
We look at you and wonder
How the years went by.
Who showed you how to find your wings?
Who taught you how to fly?
You stand before us on this day,
Prepared to step into
A special chapter of your life
Written just for you.
We look at you and wonder…
And then we realize,
The time has come to see you through
A different kind of eyes.
The one that you’ve grown into
Is a gift beyond the best.
So we tell you that we love you,
And we count ourselves…
Truly blessed.
—Anonymous
Blessings to your full—or empty—nest,
Shelly & Rich
P.S. Two resources that deeply encouraged us during the teen and young adult years are Praying the Scriptures for Your Teens and Praying the Scriptures for Your Adult Children by Jodie Berndt. They remain two of our favorite tools for praying intentionally through every season of parenting.