Having a healthy and thriving family begins with a health marriage. We believe that the marriage relationship should be the first priority within the family structure… even before our kids!
In today’s society, there is constant pressure to put our children first above EVERYTHING else in the family environment. This misguided prioritization can ultimately lead to child-centered parenting and even divorce. Don’t get us wrong. Our children are a top priority. And just because we prioritize our marriage before our children, that doesn’t mean they suffer or are loved less. Rather, they actually benefit from our healthy and thriving marriage! In many ways, prioritizing our marriage first is like hearing the safety announcement on the airplane telling you to put on your oxygen mask first, before coming to the aid of your children.
An article from a 2015 issue in Psychology Today sums up the dangers of child-centered parenting:
“Child-centered parenting runs the risk of producing entitled, narcissistic children who lack the capacity to persevere and cope with difficulty. This is because there is a fine line between being “loving” and being “indulgent”. Research shows that there is a rather large paradox in child-centered parenting. Parents who emphasize loving care over high expectations tend to have more conflict in their homes than not.”
Likewise, another study points out that “Becoming Lost in the Roles” is the number three cause of divorce:
“Just as many couples “forget” their single friends and single ways when they get married, when you add children into the mix, most parents soon neglect or completely forget that they were a couple first. As children grow and need less attention, many husbands and wives find that they have grown apart and they can’t remember why they ever got married in the first place, because they no longer have anything in common.”
In the course of our parenting journey, we have experienced times when we have lost focus on our marriage and taken it for granted. It can be very easy to get lost in the day-to-day responsibilities and lose sight of our marriage relationship. We all need to remember what we love about our spouse and why we got married in the first place! With Valentine’s Day approaching, here are some practical ideas to help you refocus and make your marriage the number one priority.
Revisit the Love languages – Do you know your spouse’s love language or emotional touchpoint? Are you intentionally loving your spouse effectively each day? Has their top love language changed? We have a PDF test on our resource page that you can download to help you identify how you each feel loved. We’ve discovered that our love language has changed slightly over the years depending upon the season of life we are in. It’s fun and compelling to revisit your love languages as a couple and see if anything has changed. Why not do the test for Valentine’s Day?!?!
CouchTime – Effective communication is key to all successful relationships. Having a brief and dedicated time devoted to non-conflict communication can quickly serve as a catalyst to other meaningful conversations. If you’re not familiar with CouchTime or need a refresher, our CouchTime 2.0 post will provide you with the why, when, where, and how of CouchTime.
Date Night / Vacations – Couples need to prioritize having fun together and enjoy each other as husband and wife. A monthly date night and an occasional vacation without the kiddos can be just the thing that might invigorate your relationship and overall outlook! Sure a family vacation is great, but a long weekend away, as a couple, can rejuvenate your soul and soulmate! If you can’t afford a babysitter or don’t have family close by to help out, consider asking some like-minded and trusted friends to take turns watching each other’s children or check out:
This is a wonderful and creative way to schedule a monthly date night, at home, for after the kids go to bed. Getdatebox.com is a monthly date in a box where you might do a fun craft, play a game, make a dessert and connect heart-to-heart. You can enter: onefamily as your promo code and get 50% off your first order! A great gift idea for Valentine’s Day!
Marriage Event/Seminar/Retreat – We love to attend marriage events, seminars and retreats. Sometimes you need to hear things that you already know from a different angle. Or maybe you might walk away with a new practical piece of advice. Like maintenance on your car, an occasional marriage tuneup can keep your relationship running smoothly. On February 22 & 23, local couples can join us for our Creating a Thriving Family workshop. We will explore two critical areas of home life that are key to creating a healthy and thriving family – Marriage Relationship and Parenting Strategy. Childcare is provided so make it a “Date” and reconnect with your spouse. Another great Valentine’s gift idea! For more info and to register (Hurry! Registration ends Friday 2/15) visit:
Make your Marriage the first priority in your family. Let your children see you enjoying yourselves in your relationship as husband and wife. Show them what a healthy marriage looks like and they will feel secure in that relationship. And someday, they will model those same values with their very own soulmate.
“One of the greatest gifts parents can give their children is the confidence that Mom and Dad love each other.”
– Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo
Blessings to your Married and Family Life!
Shelly and Rich