Focused Parenting in a Pandemic Season

Kids need their parents to lead them well.  We do so by teaching them practically “how” to do things and morally “why” to do them in order to shape their character and prepare them for adulthood.  Yet our leadership role can feel challenged as today’s kids have more information than ever before at their fingertips.  Current studies tell us that many Generation Z kids (kids born since 1997 to now) don’t ask Mom and Dad about things because the answers they need are as close as Google or Social Media. But they are also more anxious, cautious and fearful than previous generations of kids. They have FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) FOBO (Fear of Being Offline) and FOMU (Fearful of Messing Up).  While Kids may not seem like they need us, the truth is we still have greatest influence and impact on their physical and emotional health and in their resilience through this pandemic season.

New Research Says Kids Need These Two Things from Parents Right Now

1.  Kids need parents to lovingly lead them with empathy and pass along the social and emotional skills they will need to be resilient problem solvers.  As parents we know that, as they grow, the difficulties they face will get bigger and more challenging.  Even though they have been gaining knowledge, they don’t have your wisdom, common sense, and the skills they need to overcome the anxiety and fear of failure they face as a generation.  They need parents who will be there to help them process complex emotions, teach them coping skills and hold them accountable.

Dr. Daniel Goleman, the behavioral scientist and author of Emotional Intelligence, measures five categories that kids need for health and happiness.This has become uniquely critical now with kids being more isolated (due to the pandemic), more aware of societal problems (due to information overload), and more concerned about what peers think and think of them (due to social media). Here are the five areas of focus:

• Self-Awareness: Teach them to be mindful of their feelings and how they come across to others.
• Self-Management:  Teach them to be mindful of their emotions with the ability to manage them and resolve conflicts within themselves.
• Social-Awareness:  Teach them to be mindful of how their behavior impacts relationships and that others may hold differing viewpoints.
• Relationship Management:  Teach them the skills to interact with respect and kindness toward family members, classmates and the general public.
• Responsible Decision Making:  Teach them the skills to delay their gratification, making decisions that are considerate of others and for the greater good.

We can teach these things to our kids by sharing our own stories of learning from past mistakes and by modeling these skills ourselves.  Taking advantage of those times of non conflict (TONIC), will help kids internalize these lessons.  Use dinner time conversations, family walks, dates with your kids, etc.. to listen to what they are thinking with a supportive ear and ask them heart probing questions which will lead to meaningful discussions that build up their social/emotional skills and confidence.

2. Kids need parents to enthusiastically lead them with hope and a life-giving focus. Children can manifest mis-behavior, negative attitudes, emotional outbursts, lack of initiative and even depression, if you allow your own manifestations of stress – being ill-tempered, distracted, or easily frustrated – to be modeled.  During worrisome times, they need hopeful parents who can show them there always solutions and great possibilities that flow out of challenges.

Dr. Tim Elmore, youth leadership expert and author of Habitudes and Generation Z Unfiltered, says that today’s kids can be very entrepreneurial, innovative and resourceful.  Instilling within them a life-giving mindset of ingenuity, positivity, and trust will help your kids to tap into all of their amazing potential.

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90 % what how you react to it.”
– Charles Swindoll

Even when life seems out of control, you can show your kids they can choose to respond with initiative, faith, proactivity with a sense of adventure and positivity.  We encourage you to make this part of your Family Identity.  During the 17^th century Great Plague pandemic, a 17 year old student was sent home from Cambridge University for Social Distancing.  During his extended home time, he came up with Calculus, the Theory of Optics and the Law of Gravity. His name was Isaac Newton.  After 911, our nation saw many young people getting involved in serving impacted communities and an increase in becoming first responders.  Stories like these show our kids that their lives are filled with possibilities and purpose.

Our goal with OneFamily is to equip and encourage you with tools to help you lead your families well and sustain you for your marriage and parenting journeys.  We have many classes, workshops and events coming up.  These online opportunities allow us to connect with families from all parts of our country and world, to offer you resources and encouragement that will help you be the parent and leader you desire to be for your family.

Blessings to your family,

Shelly & Rich