There are a million YouTube clips showing babies, toddlers, young children and tweens imitating adult behavior, speech and attitudes. While some of these clips are cute or even hilarious to watch, some are very inappropriate when you consider the child’s age. It makes you wonder if some people are not aware that it’s their own behavior that’s being imitated.
Lis and Dave addressed the issue of role modeling and shared some terrific insights on how modeling your marital relationship can impact your children’s relationships – particularly with the opposite sex! Naturally, all of us are impressionable and desire to imitate those behaviors that appeal to us or make us feel loved; good or not so good. A little girl may play dress up because mommy always looks so pretty. A boy might wash and do some maintenance on his bicycle because he sees how dad takes responsibility and care for the family cars. These are some obvious examples of positive impressions and imitations.
But, as we wrote in Do as I say not as I do, there are some impressions and imitations that can be a negative reflection of our own behaviors. Rich not buckling his seat belt and our boys not staying buckled in their car seats was just one example we pointed out. And sometimes the impressions we make can be very subtle, like an attitude of stubbornness or procrastination. Or in Shelly’s case, she was often running late which made the whole family late for events and activities.
Take a look at these examples and consider these behaviors and attitudes. See if there are some impressions you and your spouse are making that are being imitated.
Does your toddler, child or tween:
- Ignore your instructions – Mom, do you ignore dad?
- Not pick up after themselves – Dad, do you pick up after yourself?
- Use inappropriate or harsh language – Mom, are you aware of overheard language you are using on the phone?
- Have poor or unacceptable meal habits – Dad, are you aware of your mealtime behavior?
Does your teen or young adult:
- Roll their eyes at you? – Mom, do you role your eyes at dad?
- Use unkind speech in a sarcastic tone? – Dad, do you sometimes use an unkind tone with mom?
- Spend too much time on their smart phone? Mom, are you constantly on your phone?
- Drive poorly? – Dad, do you speed, tailgate, and cut off others when driving?
As you look at unwanted behaviors and attitudes in your children, see if it’s your or your spouse’s behavior and attitude that’s being imitated. For us, we certainly are not perfect and have been guilty of not making the best impression, at times, with our boys. Especially after a long and extra busy day or a difficult week!
We understand that there are many possible reasons for unwanted behavior in children. We also know, from our own experience, that some of those behaviors can be corrected by becoming aware and changing our own behavior that has been imitated.
So we challenge you, just as we did ourselves, to become aware of the impressions you are conveying, make any necessary changes to your own behavior and put forth a renewed effort to be consistent in the positive impressions you wish to model. After all, how can you legitimately call your children to a virtuous standard of behavior if you don’t, first, hold yourself and spouse to the same standard?
”…how can you say to your brother (child), ‘Let me get the speck out of your eye,’ when there is a log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first get the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.”
– Matthew 7:4-5
Blessings to your family,
Shelly and Rich