With school quickly approaching and the uncertainty surrounding what may or may not happen, we wanted to share some insights from the Widmier Family. Not only are they wonderful friends and periodic contributors to this weekly letter, but Jon also serves as Social-Emotional Behavior Services Coordinator for Littleton Public Schools in Colorado.
As we sit down and write this, it is hard to believe that 150 days have passed since remote learning started last spring. One hundred and fifty days ago, it felt like we were running on a treadmill that abruptly went from 100 mph down to 1 mph. We all scrambled to adjust to remote learning, teaching, working, and the many other restrictions that altered our lives. We lost things dear to us like graduations, vacations, and even in the worst of circumstances, people who were dear to us. Now, as we look to increase the speed of that treadmill again, we must face our anxiety, fear, uncertainty, disappointment and loss. What can we do to prepare our children to be ready for these emotions and obstacles as they attend school in a way that we have never done before? How do we prepare to face all of those emotions that are encapsulated at the beginning of ANY school year, but especially THIS school year? Some of our basic foundational levels of security have been taken away from us, so how do we build back up and have a successful year?
Family Identity
The base of any building is it’s foundation. What is your family identity? We believe that Widmier’s are KIND. Believe me, everyone in the family needed to be reminded of that during the last 150 days, but it is our foundational belief for our family. In Paul’s first letter to the Thessalonians he says, “Be kind to one another and lift each other up” (5:11). We have found reaching out to others has helped us to get outside of our own problems. Whether it was making masks for a local hospital, delivering cards to neighbors, writing encouraging chalk messages on driveways, or taking time to simply “be” with someone (through a Zoom call or a walk). Giving of ourselves has allowed us to feel like we have gotten more back. Find your identity and double down. What you give away in slices, comes back in loaves.
Lead with Empathy
As you interact with other people, but especially your children, lead with empathy. Our natural instincts as parents are to give solutions and answers. To make things better. To remove any problems or barriers they might be facing and make their lives better. Don’t feel bad if you do these things, in many ways, this makes you a good parent. However, there are some things now that we cannot “fix.” We can’t promise tomorrow they will get to do something, like have a graduation ceremony, or go off to college when we don’t know if they will hold those events in person. The most important thing you can do is sit WITH your child in whatever feelings and emotions they have. Be empathetic because what they are feeling is REAL. It is important to know what they are feeling and why they are feeling it. Help starts with being able to express how they feel. Look for indicators that something is off. You are the parent and know their baseline better than anyone. In our house, our daughters’ mental health manifests itself in how they sleep. The past two nights one of our daughters has needed extra help in the middle of the night falling back asleep. The issue is not their sleep hygiene, it is their anxiety about the upcoming school year. To understand that, and not be angry or upset because our sleep is interrupted, is key. We are making an effort to go for more family walks and have more family fun time because that leads to conversations and questions.
While we cannot predict what will happen this school year, we can set our mindset on how to handle it. Our internal narrative is important. We can anticipate that school will shift to remote learning at times, we can hope against loss, but we can’t reduce our world to a protective bubble against everything bad. How we handle a crisis doesn’t create our values, it reveals them. Lean in to your faith, trust God and His promises for you. Know you are loved. Our best days lie ahead of us, invest in them. When times get difficult, people are not always at their best, but trust in the fact that they are doing the best they know how. To have Jesus in your life makes you different. The way He dealt with a crisis was different from what everyone expected. As Ike Reighard says, “Live your life today, the way you want to tell the story about how you lived it later, without having to change a thing.”
We know this is a challenging and frustrating time for many families. Our mission with OneFamily is to equip, encourage and sustain couples in their marriage and parenting journey with Mentoring/Coaching, Classes and Workshops!
Please visit www.onefamilyhwl.org/events for our Fall 2020 schedule coming soon!
Blessing to your family,
Shelly & Rich and Cathy & Jon Widmier