We are HUGE football fans! In fact, our family has held Denver Broncos season tickets since 1968. With the college and pro football seasons underway, we’re reminded of a powerful coaching philosophy that applies far beyond the field:

Are you playing to win—or playing not to lose?

In football, there’s a strategy called the “Prevent Defense.” Coaches often use this late in the game to protect a lead. It’s designed to allow short-yardage plays that run out the clock while preventing big plays that could cost you the game.

Many times, however, that conservative strategy backfires. In trying not to lose, teams can lose their edge and it actually prevents them from winning!

So what does this have to do with life? Everything.

We all make decisions every day that reveal our mindset. Are we aiming to grow, improve, and thrive—or are we simply trying to avoid discomfort, conflict, or failure?

Let’s explore a few key areas of life and take a closer look at the internal conversations that may be shaping our decisions. These quiet thoughts often influence whether we take bold action or play it safe. As you reflect, ask yourself: Are you playing to win—or simply trying not to lose? And are your choices leading to lasting satisfaction, or lingering dissatisfaction?

Marriage

Critical Conversations (Finances, Parenting, Politics, Spiritual…)

  • Play Not to Lose: “Keep the peace. It’s not worth getting into an argument and creating tension or stress at home.”
  • Play to Win: “Temporary discomfort is worth long-term understanding and a stronger, more authentic connection and resolution.”

Intimacy (Emotional, Sexual, Spiritual…)

  • Play Not to Lose: “Vulnerability feels risky. I’d rather stay guarded than risk embarrassment or rejection.”
  • Play to Win: “True intimacy comes from being fully known, even with all my imperfections. I want a real and deeper connection and relationship.”

Parenting

Consistency (Application of Strategies, Methods, Techniques…)

  • Play Not to Lose: “Life is chaotic. I’ll be more consistent with discipline or routines when things calm down.”
  • Play to Win: “It’s hard now, but the investment of time and energy will, in time, positively shape my child’s future.”

Freedom to Fail (Trying New Things, Chores, Grades…)

  • Play Not to Lose: “I’ll just do it for them—it’s quicker, and I don’t want them to feel bad (hurt their self-esteem) if they mess up.”
  • Play to Win: “Failure is a chance to learn and grow. I want to teach, guide, and support them as they learn by doing.”

Vocation

Your Role (Stay-at-home parent, Job, Career…)

  • Play Not to Lose: “It’s comfortable, not too demanding, and it pays the bills. Why rock the boat?”
  • Play to Win: “I want to grow, challenge myself, and either improve this current role or move into something better.”

Golden Handcuffs (Lifestyle, Financial Security…)

  • Play Not to Lose: “The benefits and salary are barely worth the stress, but I can’t risk losing the security this job provides.”
  • Play to Win: “I’m willing to make short-term sacrifices for long-term fulfillment and gain.”

Health

Wellbeing (Physical, Mental, Spiritual…)

  • Play Not to Lose: “I’ll just do the minimum to get by.  I’m just too busy and overwhelmed right now.”
  • Play to Win: “I prioritize my wellbeing and get up an hour earlier to be strong, focused, and confident every day for myself and family.”

 

So, where do you see yourself?

  • Are you playing to win in some areas of life—but playing not to lose in others?
  • Are your motivations intentional and balanced or driven by fear, fatigue, or avoidance?
  • Are your decisions leading to satisfaction or quiet dissatisfaction and regret?

With summer behind us, fall is the perfect season for reflection. Take a personal inventory. Where are you settling? Where do your motivations need a reset?

Research shows that awareness leads to clarity, which fosters change. Embracing and adapting to change results in a life characterized not by fear or mere survival, but by purpose, growth, and connection.

Be intentional. Be bold. Play to win.

Blessings to Your Family,
Shelly & Rich