Do you know your neighbors? Do you know their first names?
We recently attended an event where we were challenged by these same questions. Embarrassingly, I could only admit to knowing about half of the 15 neighbors in our cul-de-sac and only 6 of them by their first name (Shelly knew a few more). Not very neighborly!
Sure we are pleasant enough and we readily acknowledge all of our neighbors with the occasional wave or nod at the mailbox. But we never really engage with them. So what’s the big deal about that?
In our letter, New Year’s Resolution for 2016 , we discussed the importance of community and the relational benefits of engaging with others. But creating community within your neighborhood also provides security, accountability, and eases the potential of future conflicts.
Security – Having neighbors to not only watch our home while we are away, but to collectively provide a safe haven for our families, is a major benefit.
Accountability – As neighbors become known to one another, a sense of accountability is created. Yards and home maintenance projects, for example, tend to not be taken for granted. If you don’t “know” the neighbor two doors down, you probably don’t necessarily care about what they think about your property and visa versa! Or if you noticed their home may seemingly be a bit neglected, you may not think to check in on them to make sure they are doing okay., etc.
Heading Off Potential Conflicts –Barking dogs, hot tubbing after ten pm, neighbor’s kids leaving toys or trash in your yard are just some examples that are easily addressed when you know your neighbors. Human nature tends to assume the worst when we don’t know someone, leading to irrational explanations that seem to take hold in our minds and fester. We begin to think less of our neighbors, that they are strange, or intentionally doing things out of spite! If we actually know our neighbors, we are more inclined to give them the benefit of the doubt rather than disparage them.
Even with these practical benefits, the greatest potential benefit comes from growth in relationship. We may not become best friends with our neighbors, but you will never find out unless you get to know them. Engaging and learning about your neighbors can be richly rewarding. For the Howards, it’s also a way that we can honor others and fulfill our Family Verse Mark 12: 30-31 in literally “loving our neighbor as ourselves”. It occurred to us, our neighbor can mean anyone we meet, but yes, it also means our actual neighbors!
Sure, there are a many excuses as to why we don’t know or engage with our neighbors:
“We are too busy”
“I just want to get home and relax after a long day”
“I never see them”
“I don’t know how to approach them”
“I’m just not a people person”
Some excuses are legitimate and others become the lame rational arguments we use to avoid meeting and knowing our neighbors. But the bottom line is this: the benefits of knowing your neighbors far exceed the excuses of not knowing your neighbors.
So how do you get to know your neighbors without being “weird or creepy” about it?
Like many things, getting to know your neighbors should be a process. And that relieves some of the pressure we tend to put upon ourselves. For us, our first step (goal) is to learn our neighbor’s first names and write them down so we don’t forget. As a result, we are now looking for opportunities to introduce ourselves and make acquaintances that go beyond the wave as we drive by. We recently got a neighbor’s mail, by accident, and used that as an opportunity to make a connection. Our next step, as summer draws near, is to intentionally create opportunities to connect by sitting out front and spending time in the front yard; introducing ourselves and showing some hospitality to those who happen to pass by. Eventually, we would love to have a block party for our neighbors so that we can get to know them more and have them get to know each other as well.
Loving our neighbor by simply knowing them and caring about them as people is so simple. It has huge potential to change communities, lives and maybe even eternities!
Blessings to your family and your neighbors,
Shelly and Rich
For more information about getting to know your neighbors, we recommend
The Art of Neighboring, Building Genuine Relationships Right Outside Your Front Door, by Jay Pathak & Dave Runyon.