Loving intentionally is one of the most influential things we do as human beings. The love we give today carries into the future through our family. It can be expressed in many ways, yet it remains the greatest gift we can offer our spouse and children. With that in mind, we want to share a few practical ideas to help you express love within your family that are meaningful and lasting. Here are three specific areas we continue to prioritize in our marriage and family. These are intentional choices that have shaped who we are as a couple and who we are becoming as a family.
Our Marriage and the love that flows out of it brings an extra layer of love and security for our children – Our children do not intuitively know the depth and breadth of love we have for our spouse. Most couples typically talk or spend time together after the kids go to bed, but our children need to see love and friendship between parents regularly. They need to witness tangible evidence of your love. Expressions of affection, respect, and partnership provide emotional security not only for your children, but for your marriage as well.
CouchTime and Date Night are two meaningful ways that can strengthen a marriage and bring harmony to the home. Both are Times of Non Conflict (TONIC) where we can connect with one another relationally and emotionally. CouchTime allows us to discuss those practical things we often take for granted until it becomes an urgent matter – Issues about parenting, finances, in-laws, other relationships, etc… Date Night reminds us, and our children, that we were a family before we had kids; that we need to connect emotionally as husband and wife.
Our Family Identity is Love – Who we are as a family and what we represent is conveyed through our love. While making “love” your family hallmark may sound simple or even cliché, we found it powerful to keep that message consistently in front of our children. Working on our Family Identity and discussing our Core Family Values has always been a top priority. With love at its heart, we adopted a Family Verse which the boys learned from the time they were little:
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength…And love your neighbor as yourself.”
Mark 12: 30-31
We revisited and discussed this verse often around the dinner table and in everyday moments. Over time, it became the standard guiding our attitudes and actions within our marriage, our family, and beyond our home. It continues to serve as an anchor for who we strive to be.
Love Languages are the way to effectively demonstrate love to our spouse, our kids and to others – Understanding and expressing love in meaningful ways is essential for both marriage and parenting. Many people are introduced to love languages during engagement or at a marriage retreat—but how often do we intentionally practice them?
If you carefully evaluate how you are expressing your love to your spouse and kids, you may discover that you are projecting your own love language on them and they may be missing the love and affirmation you are trying to convey!
Over the years, we have discovered that our Love Languages can change depending upon the season of life we are living. For example, prior to Summer Vacation or Christmas Break, we may have been Quality Time, but now it might be Acts of Service or Words of Encouragement/Affirmation. That’s why we try to retake the love languages assessment a couple of times a year as a family. This helps us to make sure we are connecting emotionally.
After taking the assessment, we would go around the dinner table and discuss ways we would like to see our own love languages demonstrated. This kept everyone mindful of each family member’s Love Language and how it would most resonate with them. In fact, we took it a step further and put the results on the refrigerator for all to see everyday!
We have the Love Language assessments for adults, teens & kids on our resource page: https://onefamilyhwl.org/resources/. Remember to share the results with each other and get creative with how you are speaking each other’s love languages!
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Now that our boys are adults, we can clearly see the impact of intentional love on our marriage, our children, and even our friendships. Our hope is that these principles encourage and strengthen your family as well.
Love is the most dynamic force we know. It reflects God’s character, transforms lives, and leads us toward a fuller, richer life. This week, be intentional and create the space to talk about love, to demonstrate it, and to live it out in your home.
“Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.”
1 Corinthians 13:13
Blessings and Love to you and your family,
Shelly & Rich
Look for us speaking/presenting in person on the road!
This summer we’ve been invited to speak at several Homeschooling Conferences:
May 28-30 – Texas Home School Convention – Woodlands, TX
July 10-11 – California Parenting & Homeschool Convention – Downey, CA
July 17-18 – Arizona Home Education Convention – Pheonix, AZ
We would love to meet you in person and hear about your family!
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