Have you ever considered why some of the simplest outings with our young children can go horribly wrong?  How difficult can it be to have coffee with friends…Right?!?!

Our friend Rachel is a busy mom of three boys, who just wanted to get coffee with a friend one day.  Here is a wonderful story of what happened and what she learned from her frustrating and embarrassing experience.

Children run amok over lattes as I recall what I “should have done”

I had faith that my two littles (ages 3 and 1) could pull this off.  A mutual friend in California had connected me with her best friend from childhood and we were meeting for the first time at a swanky coffee shop in the Denver area.

The boys and I arrived shortly after attending chapel at my oldest son’s school – where, I might add, they were perfectly behaved.  With a sigh of relief that everyone seemed to wake up in angelic moods and even more confident that we would have a smooth sailing coffee date, we sweetly walk in hand-in-hand and conducted a perfectly orchestrated first introduction.  At this point, the children are peaceful, polite and I’m feeling proud and content.

As I get the boys settled on a sofa near our table, I pull out some special toys borrowed from a friend that I thought would be a home-run, along with special drinks and snacks.  Needless to say it didn’t impress my little darlings and within five minutes, the “wheels came off”.

The next 30 minutes were consumed with me trying to be engaged in my adult conversation with one eye on the two monsters who could not have been more disinterested in the magnetic block toys.  Instead they were magnetically drawn to the side table with glasses and the open beverage case with what seemed like a hundred bottles of brightly colored beverage choices.   I was horrified.  I apologized and tried to explain that this wasn’t their normal behavior – luckily she too was a mother, though these early years were in the rear view mirror for my new friend and mom of teenagers.

As frustrations mounted, I tried to calmly explain to each child, requiring that they look me in the eyes when I spoke, that each specific behavior was not appropriate and gave clear direction of what I expected.   It didn’t work.  With my face red and my body temperature overheating, I decided to throw in the towel and apologetically said we needed to go and suggested we lunch together ‘sans children’.

In hindsight, and after reviewing what I’ve learned through Toddlerhood Transitions and The Parenting from The Tree of Life Series, I realized that I could have tried some tactics that may have provided me with a different outcome:

  • Considering we were coming from an hour of sitting in chapel, I should have given myself a buffer of 20 minutes to allow them to play at the park near the coffee shop to burn some energy before asking them to again, sit quietly for an hour. Lesson learned.
  • Sit the boys on the sofa (or take them into a more private space) and ask them to “fold their hands and gain self- control”.
  • Require them to respond to me when I was giving them specific instructions of what I wanted them to do.
  • Suggest to my new friend that we take our coffees to go and walk around the block to the nearby park.

While I was feeling as though coffee dates were a thing of my past after this recent experience, I am determined to teach my boys how to properly behave in these circumstances.  We will practice at home and then venture out again soon to meet a girlfriend for coffee and give them a chance to “show mommy how they can control their bodies” – while I sip a much needed latte with another adult.

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We love Rachel’s story because it tangibly illustrates that parenting is a process and a journey.  There will be successful moments and challenging moments.  In her situation, she tried to use and apply different “tools” and in that moment they didn’t work.  And that’s ok, because later she evaluated why they didn’t work.  Rachel and her husband Aaron are not perfect parents.  No one is.  However, they are awesome parents because they are characterized by persevering and being intentional in their parenting journey.

Blessings on your parenting journey!

Shelly and Rich

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