How often do you consider the words you use when texting, emailing, or speaking? Do you consider how you will be perceived and the impact your words might have on others? How about the words you choose with your spouse or children?
Every day we get to choose the words we use to communicate. It is very important to be mindful of them because our words can manifest virtue, encouragement and love or they could manifest discouragement, frustration, and harm. In the parenting class we lead, Parenting From the Tree of Life, this distinction is known as speaking Words of Life versus Words of Death. Do the words you communicate promote growth (Life) or condemnation (Death)?
Like everyone, we have had moments in our marriage and parenting when we’ve regretted the words we used. Those words caused emotional and relational harm, which was never the ultimate and true intention of our hearts. And often we found ourselves saying, “I wish I had a chance to take back what I said!” This is why it is so import to be mindful and careful of the words you choose to use. Taking a minute to think about your words can make all the difference in the world and might help you avoid some common regretful words like these…
I don’t know why I bother, you’ll just do what you want
I don’t know why I married you
My parents were right about you
You are acting like a 2 year old
You are so selfish and irresponsible
You never listen to me
You’re just being stupid
You never do anything right
You are a disappointment to me
Words like these hurt and never create positive outcomes. We all experience times of anger, frustration, disappointment and fear. And that’s ok, but how we express ourselves during those times of challenge can be the difference in whether or not you get fired from a job, get divorced, or alienate your children. Consider these ideas before speaking, texting, emailing:
Take a minute, an hour, or however long it will take so you can evaluate the words you will use
“Honey, I’m really upset right now and I need a minute to collect my thoughts.”
Gain understanding as mentioned in our Power of Discernment Letter
“Can you please help me understand, so I don’t overreact?”
Did you notice that the words used in each of these examples were positive in nature? They didn’t condemn nor accuse, rather they provided the space or margin for you to evaluate the proper words in achieving a positive outcome.
Even as you begin to train yourself to use positive Words of Life, you will still have those moments when you may regret the words you used. That’s when you have the opportunity to seek forgiveness using positive words of life and restore yourself as the person and the example you desire to be for your family.
“Sweetheart, do you forgive me for overreacting and not trusting your judgement?”
“Kids, I want you to know that I love your mom with all my heart and I was wrong when you heard me saying those hurtful things. So that’s why I’m asking mom to forgive me. But I also am asking you to forgive me for not being a good example as a Husband and Father.”
Seeking forgiveness heals and restores relationships with positive words. Saying “I’m sorry” is a shallow platitude and requires no reconciliation. Asking for forgiveness, with an acknowledgement of how you’ve wronged someone with your words, demonstrates a genuine sincerity with humility and allows a response from the one you offended.
Be cognizant of the words you use. Words can build up or tear down. The words you use define your character and who you are to others. Words matter!
Blessings to your family,
Shelly and Rich