As a new school year begins, there are seemingly countless items to do to prepare our kids for the year ahead.  There are conversations that need to take place as well.  Among the more important conversations, a meaningful discussion about friendships should be at the top of the list.

  • Are you comfortable with your children’s current friends?
  • Is your child choosing to be friends with others who are a good influence on them or not?
  • What kind of influence is your child on others?

The book of Proverbs is filled with treasures of wisdom that lead to countless blessings and a fruitful life. Proverbs is also a valuable parenting tool and guide on friendships, pointing us and our kids in the right direction. We believed that it was our job to teach our boys how to be a good friend and also to know how to discern what makes for a good friend. Especially at the start of the new school year as kids reconnect and form new friendships!

Here are a couple of verses that we shared with our boys from the time they were in Kindergarten even up through college, but especially in the teen years.

  • “The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray.” Proverbs 12:26

 

  • “Whoever spends time with wise people will become wise. But whoever makes friends with fools will suffer.” Proverbs 13:20

Having conversations about the meaning behind these verses, provides a perspective that you or your children may not have even considered.

Insulate Don’t Isolate Your Child From Friendships

Your children will meet lots of kids from a wide variety of family backgrounds at school, through sports/activities, youth group, camps, and while playing in the neighborhood.  When our kids made new friends we invited them over to our house to play or hang out and got to know their parents as well. We also drove the carpools or coached the teams, volunteered in and out of the classroom, etc…This allowed us to observe from the “sidelines” and feel confident that our boys were around others that didn’t detract from the behavior, morals and qualities we were trying to instill in them.

But what about when there is a friend/family who is not a good influence?  We experienced that also on a few occasions.  There were some kids who tried to encourage our boys to lie to us, to sneak around or use inappropriate language. Yet we were able to use those moments as opportunities to discuss the importance of friendships.  We would ask our boys:

  • Could this person cause them to change their behavior or go against our core family values?
  • Is this an opportunity for you to come along side and be a good friend to them?

We would often share stories from our own childhood/teen experiences and explain what we learned along the way.  This helped Trevor and Alex to become discerning about their relationships; to choose to honor themselves (character) and our family; to not be pressured by friendships that would bring them down, rather than build them up.

Yet there were those times, particularly in the early years, we had to put some boundaries in place until they had the maturity to make better decisions about friends and could demonstrate behaviors and manners consistent with our core family values. We stayed focused on our Family Identity.  There were a couple of hard lessons learned in elementary school that really paid off in the teen years!

Allowing your children to wisely choose their friends helps them to grow in moral maturity.  As many of the Proverbs teach, a truly great friend is the one who gives good advice while encouraging us to right attitudes and behaviors. We become wise when we keep company with those who are kind, respectful, hard-working and considerate.  There are so many competing ideas, philosophies and destructive influences that bombard our kids daily, making good friends is so important. Helping your children to wisely discern those friendships that elevate the good will be a blessing that will carry with them throughout their life.

Blessings to your family,

Shelly & Rich

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2023 Fall Classes/Programs

Tuesdays starting 10/3 – https://events.humanitix.com/pftol-ad2023 – In Person, intensive 8 week, Parenting from The Tree of Life.  Hosted at Arma Dei Academy (Broadway & Wildcat in Highlands Ranch, CO)

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