Just to give you a little context as to what OneFamily Tuesday letters are all about, it’s Lis and Dave Marr along with Shelly and Rich Howard trying to figure out what might be meaningful, enlightening, entertaining, and worth your time week in and week out. Some weeks are better than others. But the thing about these letters that are as typical as life itself, a single bite of food will be consumed and used right away, then forgotten as you move on to the next next morsel. Even having written them, we have to go back to look up what we wrote; so for you, it’s expected that you wouldn’t remember any but the most relevant letter. Life is ephemeral.

To illustrate my point, do you remember reading….?

We humans, we aren’t geared to instantly remember everything that runs across the movie screen of our minds. It’s here for a day, then gets filed away and often forgotten. It’s only if you watch the movie again that you can recall the lines that are so funny, the truths that are so clear, and the moments that are worth remembering. And that’s the point here about your life, not these letters, but your life.

At the end of every year, stop and assess your life. How’d it go? Was the year what you thought it would be? Before you look forward to the next year and decide what goals you want to set, ask yourself first what you gained from this year. Once you’ve squeezed all the value out of this year and looked honestly at yourself with your mate’s help, then you can determine how next year can be better. It’s not just trying harder and just putting more hours into – the marriage, the kids, work, workouts, whatever – it’s about being more effective in each of these categories.

You’ve got this holiday coming up, why don’t you and your spouse take a little time and reminisce about the year – the birthdays, the vacations, the kids’ development, the situation with the folks, your habits, your marriage, your sex life, your spiritual life, your health, your work, your aspirations – get it all in. How did it go? What did you learn? What would you have done differently if you knew then what you know now? Because that’s in effect what’s happening. You’re getting a do over. New year – new you. And there’s no better person to help you evaluate that new year and new you than the person you and God decided would be your mate. No one is more vested in your success than your spouse.

Start at the epicenter of your family and work outwards: How’s the relationship going? You know, after the youngest child is about 3 or 4 years old, the marriage gets easier. You’re not as focused on keeping another human being alive, cleaned, dressed, and generally happy. Therefore there’s a bit more time and energy to go around. What are you going to do with that time and energy? Date night again? How about spiritual? Did sports take up Sundays? Finances – now that you no longer have diapers and you’re one more year into the job, there should be economic lift there. What are you going to do with that extra? How about vacations? Work outs? Family time?

You get the idea, there’s plenty to talk about if you just stop and assess. Here’s the beginning of a brainstormed list to help you in your conversation.

  • Spiritual – church, bible study, small groups, prayer, parenting courses
  • Mental – reading, motivational CDs, learn new skill, write poetry or a short story
  • Physical – workouts, hikes, runs, bikes, swimming, skiing, sports, nutrition/hydration
  • Relational – social activities, pick something each person wants to do and everyone join – take turns being the decision maker
  • Recreational – activities, movies, dinners, relaxations, (see physical above)
  • Financial – money management course, debt payment, spending, saving for something fun for the whole family (Disney, cruise, visits to grandparents, beach vacations),
  • Give up/ grow up goals (Future OneFamily Letter)
  • Pass it on – ministry that the family can participate in. – Needy family with kids at same ages as your family, school child sponsored in 3rd world country
  • Family night – set aside intentional time without electronics
  • Travel

Time blurs by. Start a marrital tradition in which every Christmas you give one another a gift that lasts beyond the ephemeral bite of food – a life-giving conversation that starts, “How are we doing?”

To your family’s well-being,

Lis and Dave

And to us at OneFamiy, let us know how you think we are doing for you as well.