A friend was approached by his son-in-law who asked, “With this Coronavirus, how do you stay so calm?” My friend appreciated the question. Here his son-in-law had a young growing family who knew there was some small personal risk, but more than anything, there was this energy of emergency. Everyone was talking about and concerned about a single topic – the world pandemic! It’s this heightened sense of “We’re all in this together” and “What if it comes to us and society shuts down?” filled the air. My friend answered, “We’ve been through so much in life already. Just this century we saw 9/11 which changed how everyone traveled. We saw the global financial meltdown. Before that was the Iraqi wars, the end of the Cold War when the wall came down, and the AIDS epidemic that was a deadly plague. When we were young, we had ‘duck and cover drills’ in case of nuclear war. This Coronavirus problem seems big, but it’s just the latest in a long line of problems that confronts mankind. We’ll survive and things will calm down. In the end, we’ll adjust and be fine.”
That exchange occurred with the house full of family. The schools had closed, and jobs went remote, so the unusual air of emergency was almost electric. And what happened? What was the ‘go-to’ for everyone? The family converged. Each of my friend’s children packed up their kids and went to grandma and grandpa’s house just to be together. It was a natural reaction to emergency – gather somewhere safe. Go home. And “home” isn’t just a physical place. It’s a psychological place where you can rest, gain perspective, take comfort in the knowledge you’re not alone, and if not gain insight at least gain peace.
This vignette of life confronts you to stop and ask – where do we go in times of trouble? What are we building so that our kids will all have the same answer – home. This human catastrophe will soon be in the rearview mirror, but it presents us with yet another opportunity to reflect on what’s important. In good times, bad times, great times, and times where you wonder what is next, who will your children look to for answers, comfort, safety, and solace. The answer of course is you want it and expect it to be your family. But don’t miss the point, it isn’t that way in so many homes because opportunities to create home as refuge are missed. Let this be the moment for you to take the lead for your family.
Children see below the surface. They may not be able to articulate it like an adult, but their heart knows if home is safe. If it’s not completely safe and harmonious, then they’ll hedge their bets. Certainly not young kids, but children who are old enough to have experiences where mom and dad are anxious, aren’t on the same page, don’t demonstrate verbal and physical love, whose words and actions aren’t completely aligned, and where love flourishes for the kids but not between one another. Kids see that undercurrent despite the sophistication of the parents’ masking. Even if pain does hit through sickness or financial loss, is the family united? Again, leading the family during a crisis is key to making a home.
There does seem to be a generational difference in perception on the severity of this crisis. The political and media factions of society shout as loud as they can from the podium because the system only rewards them by doing so. This is the first time mankind has confronted a worldwide natural problem in the era of instant communication. And those who have come of age since 9/11 are challenged to discern the danger to themselves and family. Naturally it’s easy to be swept away when the authorities and media are focused so single-mindedly on one issue. But my friend was able to separate the hype from the risk; he’s seen so much. “Very few things are as bad or as good as they initially seem to be”, which is advice Dave got from his Dad during a crisis.
Therefore, in order to lead your family in the direction of wisdom despite the raging storm of alarm outside, find peace in your home. Take this time away from work to reinvent the way you react to stress, convict yourselves to a lifelong partnership, bring God into the equation when you’re feeling anxious, and express appreciation for your partner’s traits and talents which will lead your family to a place of peace where you can rest from the dangers of the world. And realize anew that you are creating something of lasting value – home.
Lis and Dave Marr
P.S. Rich and Shelly will be sending out information soon regarding on-line classes and seminars – Check out our OneFamily Events Page.