Although we have a vague idea of what unlocked potential might mean, it is very clear what locked potential looks like – An intelligent teen who struggles with emotional instability; a gifted athlete who lacks motivation to try; a talented musician short on courage to perform; a disabled child who needs special attention. These types of examples create frustration for us observers who can envision what a joyous life they could have if they weren’t so constrained. We adults can see their potential if only…
Isn’t that what our goal is as parents? To assist our children to make it into adulthood so they can write their story unencumbered by unnecessary burdens and empowered by what? their desires, their talents, their emerging vision of what their life could possibly be, God’s plan? Isn’t that why you’re reading this OneFamily Letter if not to gain insight on how to bring that outcome into a loving reality? That is certainly our goal in writing them.
And so we come together, you and us, in common cause to bring about a world that is more joyous because our children’s potential is increasingly fulfilled, bit by bit, insight by insight, child by child. The question arises next, how can we avoid weighing our children down with unnecessary burdens and instead nurture their wings that will give them flight? Can you imagine a more complex problem to solve? What, then, should we focus on first to gain insight?
Among the billion bits of detail your children are picking up and weaving together into their model of “normal”, how will marriage be characterized with its various love languages – words of encouragement, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and gift giving? How about effort? Or health? Trustworthiness? Respect? Otherness? Delayed gratification? Grace? Each of these is a version of love that is received by your child imperfectly. For in creating the optimal environment for energizing your child’s potential, you can only pour out of a cup what’s in it. And your child can only receive a portion of what you pour out. Therefore, regardless of where you’ve been up to now, the best thing to do in helping your child unlock their potential is to look at yourself and bring your consistent best to the day. Their highest and best version is a consequence of your highest and best version.
So that’s our thesis really: For you to optimally impact the psychological, emotional, social, spiritual well-being and growth-potential of your child so that they come out of childhood with as little unnecessary weight as possible, you do what you can, given life’s constraints, to fulfill your own potential. You do that in all those qualities listed above and more. Because what happens to the child when they see you growing, becoming more mature in life, deepening intimacy in relationships, feeling well and optimistic, gaining competence and confidence? They see someone they want to model. And THAT increases their potential.
Here’s a suggestion: on Sundays, spend 60 minutes, or 10 minutes, whatever you can, and look at the week ahead with energy and intention. What are you going to cook each night? What days will you work out, pray as a couple/family, have Couch Time, family game night, watch TV, date night? Plan it out. Make sure you have enough balance for you, for your spouse, for your children. This is the part of your life where it all comes together. It’s a simple easy step to a more fulfilled family life.
In the many OneFamily classes, events, conversations, and email exchanges, we’ve seen and heard about the complexities of life, of marriage, of work, of relationships, and self-worth. We get it. One thing stands true, any parent willing to read this far into a OneFamily letter wants to unlock their child’s talents and well-being. Therefore, unlock your own well-being, growth, spiritual awakening, marriage, and your children will soar.
To your family’s unlocked potential,
Lis and Dave Marr