“You can do anything for 1 minute” is not just an easy phrase for parental encouragement, it’s a brick in the foundation of a child’s life.
It isn’t long after babies become toddlers that parents should begin the long process of building character through self-discipline. Every era in childhood will present new opportunities for parents to develop in their children the strength to face the hard-earned ability of sticking with a task through the desire to give up. The sooner parents begin helping a child recognize that the challenge is internal (sticking with it) and not external (cleaning their room) the sooner parents begin to lay down the foundation of character that will define almost every aspect of their child’s adult life.
Of course, some phrases are too sophisticated for your child’s current understanding, but stick with saying the family phrase nonetheless. What child understands “Thank you” and “Please” the first dozen times they’re required to recite them? So too with the phrase “You can do anything for 1 minute.” Few 3-year-olds understand how long 1 minute is. All they know is you’re asking them to put their toys away for a really, really long time. By using the phrase, you are setting the stage for later understanding. Maybe setting a timer on your phone for how long to clean up can set the stage.
We had difficulty with each child in each era with different things. Brushing teeth morning and night was an early issue. Cleaning their room and just being mindful of the need to live in a tidy, organized world was an issue. Finishing homework to the best of their ability rather than just going with whatever response would come immediately to mind. Even the willingness to practice sports a little, to improve on certain skills, was a challenge. In each of these situations, we were faced with getting our children to own the uncomfortable family value that being a Marr meant giving it our best, which takes effort. “Hey, you can do anything for 1 more minute.”
And as you can plainly see, 1 minute of extra effort today stretches, over time, into another minute, and then another. It’s not a trick or a lie, it’s the idea that the phrase is a label for the concept that life asks much of you and you can overcome the internal desire to quit, doing less than your best, with a simple phrase to Press On for 1 minute. (Click on this link as a good example into creating Family Identity around persistence).
The child who learns to brush their teeth, clean their room, play the piano, develop skills in sports, resist the urge to check texts, pay attention in class, and forego the short-term pleasure of ‘giving in’ for the long-term satisfaction of success becomes the adult whose structure is strong and secure. If that were all, it would be fantastic, but there’s even more than what can be described in this Letter. Built on the foundation of 1 minute of persistence is erected an edifice of character – learning to keep one’s heart open when wronged, being respectful to mom and dad, learning to forgive, keeping one’s mind open when confronted with alternative perspectives, being strong enough to risk friendship when right and wrong are in play. Each of these are internal elements of self-control and are layered atop 1 minute of persistence.
There are basics in life that should be embedded in one’s character like persisting through difficulty. Clearly that has been a foundational problem in society since the beginning of time, consult the Bible if you doubt that. In past generations, using an authoritarian style for a clean room and finished homework could certainly force external compliance. But removing the force also removes the motivation. Whereas, tying their internal motivation to family identity, encouraging “one more little bit of effort is who you are as a person”, thereby ties motivation to identity and self-esteem. It is more enduring and therefore more likely to end in positive results. And a key piece to this is rewarding the effort and not the outcome.
And for you reading this suggestion, no doubt you are already working on your child’s character in many ways. Adding the “You can do anything for 1 minute” brick to your family identity foundation might create a new family dynamic that could inspire everyone to give their best.
To a house built on a strong foundation,
Lis and Dave Marr