As Dave was driving with his young family through a mostly empty parking lot after attending parenting class, he slammed on the brakes, “OOOHHH!!!”.
Lis and the kids were alarmed. “WHAT?!! What’s wrong?!”
“OH! MY! GOSH!!!” Dave exclaimed.
“What daddy, what is it?!” the kids in the back seat were tense.
“I LOVE YOUR MOM AND YOU GUYS SOOOO MUCH!!!” The tension in the air popped. Dad was just goofin’ again.
“Daaaadyyyy!” Lis just shook her head and smiled.
Dave’s goofy antics underscores a serious point: What behaviors should a husband/father demonstrate in leading the family? Here are 5 elements that really must be a part of a father’s design:
- All in. Dad’s can’t afford to be aloof and moody. Children don’t understand a father’s angst at not getting sufficient respect, or his frustrations at work, or even Dad’s own father issues. No, children look on Dad’s demeanor as defining of all dads and fatherhood. Being aloof is to be selfishly confused on priorities. Be where you are. Play Candyland. Read the books. Tuck in with stories. Wipe the bottoms. Clean the kitchen. Cheerlead like a goofball. Define Daddydom as being a fully engaged, all in, loving father.
- Love Mom. Hugs. Kisses. Dancing in the kitchen. Prioritizing CouchTime as a family habit. Requiring respect for mom by teaching the Interrupt Courtesy. Taking a fair share of the multitude of tasks around the house. Providing a constant stream of loving for the kids to swim in, play next to, drink deeply from. Demonstrate with unequivocal clarity that Dad loves Mom.
- Family Identity. One of the most important aspects of a family’s success. Who are you? What is your family slogan that the kids will know throughout their lives and will replicate in their families decades to come? What are your standards, your beliefs, and your priorities. By declaring your family identity, you give a label to the quality of your lives together. We are the _______s, and we love one another, we help one another, we prioritize one another, we speak life to each other and we are on the side of Goodness.
- Lead. Don’t get caught up in the political correctness of whether men lead. Of course they do. So do women. Women lead as much as men. Each has their own role and must lead accordingly. It’s the ‘not leading’ that hurts families, not the conflict on who’s leading. In the husband/father role there is a traditionally strategic element of leadership of looking at the big picture and making sure the family is pursuing the right course. All topics are in play: Family standards, church attendance/Bible reading, sports/academic balance, social community engagement, technology and behavior, etc. These discussions are complex and require leadership to ask the questions and gain marital consensus and family compliance.
- Make it fun. Life is a joy. Sure there are stresses, at work, in health, with parents, even in the marriage. But regardless, all that stuff will likely work itself out in time and is likely designed for your growth anyway, so Consider All Joy. How can you bring more fun into your life so that the hard work is rewarded with laughter and great memories? Is your house a center for friends and kids to come and relax and enjoy God’s gifts? If your heart is not light, you might be missing some important perspective.
Life with your kids will fly by in a blink. You will look back with some regrets at opportunities you missed for one reason or another. That’s inevitable. But let the missed opportunities be small. If you are characterized by the above 5 behaviors, your family life will produce such an abundance of joy that your cup will overflow out your eyes at every baby-playing-with-a-puppy commercial. The blessings of the father will be visited upon the sons and daughters to the 3rd and 4th generation.
To your family’s blessing,
Lis and Dave Marr