To you fathers:

Father’s Day is a great day. It presents itself as the annual kickoff to the summer where dads and kids can enjoy long days of playing outside deep into the evening warmth. Barbequed weekends showcase dad’s culinary skills with burgers, dogs, and corn on the cob right off the grill. Dad –the platform from which to jump in the water, the fountain of goofy laughter, the anchor in storms, the sun that brings warmth and growth.

There is an ideal to which young and old men aspire – to be that man who embodies the traits of goodness, solidness, character, strength, and wisdom. That notion only begins to form an image in the mind when a young man becomes a dad. The motivation to grow up is born with the certain understanding that at some point a child will look up and see the model of how it should be done. With every passing year a child accelerates, and dad will have to push a little harder to stay ahead. It’s shocking how quickly time passes and dad’s role morphs from all-knowing god to Dad the trusted counselor. But it’s all good. The ideal remains and dad’s family position is respectfully firm under the following important conditions:

  • Dad must nurture a loving growing intimate relationship with mom. There will be lots of issues to resolve – parenting, sex, money, in-laws, leadership, spiritual, etc. – but conflict doesn’t mean animosity. Navigating these issues of life is what makes a man a man. Pull weeds and water the garden.
  • Dad must avoid the hypocrisies of life as much as possible. If kids can’t use their cell phones during dinner, ditto. If children are to help around the house, then it’s a family thing. And importantly, “Can-do” optimism is caught, not taught. A child learns from your example long before you can explain it in words.
  • Dad must be trustworthy. Showing up on time says, “I value you”. Drinking moderately says, “I stay in control”. Avoiding compromising situations says, “I am trustworthy when I am away from home, faithful to mom and the family”. Making humor positive and not biting says, “Your impressionable psyche is safe with me.”
  • Dad must cheerlead the family identity. “We are Marrs. We tell the truth, try our best, are respectful to others, have faith and optimism that all outcomes are somehow the best outcomes, that we are best friends, and that there is a God and He is a personal God interested in our well-being.” Traditional values secure family well-being more easily than secular values – Not perfectly, but more easily.

Father’s Day is a day set aside to honor one’s father for who he is, for all his qualities too numerous to list, for the sacrifices he’s made and the ones yet to be made. There is an ideal there, a “ness” of Dad that can’t be substituted.That ness is planted deep in the hearts of children but can be painstakingly uprooted by Dad not investing the above conditions – Love mom, pay attention to hypocrisies, demonstrate in behaviors great and small trustworthiness, and cheerlead the family.

To you young dads, the ideal of you being the standard by which your children will evaluate all other men is a real thing. Your daughters will marry men who resonate your qualities. Your sons will emulate you in ways that will surprise you. Be good, solid, a man of character, strength and wisdom.

Be the ideal Dad.

Happy Father’s Day Men.

Dave (and Lis)

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Summer Parenting Workshop Series, Class & Marriage Assessment/Checkup

Information and Registration is now available for all of our Summer Programs!

 

Learn More at: https://onefamilyhwl.org/events/

Summer Parenting Workshop Series

Sundays 7:00-8:00pm MT – (6:00pm PT, 8:00pm CT, 9:00pm ET)
Each workshop is 2 sessions per month – 1 hr per session

If you need to miss a session (i.e. vacation), all workshops will be recorded and available to view via our private OneFamily YouTube Channel.

  • 7/9 & 16 – Screens and Parenting in the Digital Age – Gain understanding of the neurological/behavioral aspects of Screens and examine some ideas to help parents develop a strategy for recreational screen time – Toddler through Teen!
  • 8/6 & 13 – Conveying Sexual Knowledge to Your Children – Discover how to approach conveying sexual knowledge to your children as soon as 6 years of age and through the tweens.  This is a great introduction to our Protecting the Innocence of Childhood class.