Dinnertime discussions – If we were to list the things that made our family so connected, dinner-time conversations would be near the top. Rich and Shelly wrote on this topic (here) which is worth a re-read. Our take on this critical family engagement opportunity has brought back many great memories.

Dinner time was a priority, particularly on Sunday night. Although occasionally Dave would work into nighttime activities during the week, he made it a priority to be home for dinner. Kids sports sometimes paused the dinner bell, but sitting down together and exchanging the day’s download was an important family anchor. Often, we would ask open-ended questions –

  • “What was funny today?”
  • “What was something that happened today that made you feel proud, sad, scared, kind, happy?”
  • “What new, interesting thing did you learn?”
  • “It’s your sister’s (brother’s) birthday – tell them why you love them and what you appreciate most about them.”

For great discussion topics, get OneFamily Discussion cards.

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As our kids got older, we took turns coming up with dinnertime topics. As children move into their teen years, it may be harder to schedule, but it’s even more important to continue to connect during dinner at least once or twice per week. Conversations should evolve from talking about events into discussions about ideas and abstractions. These dinners were fun and engaging explorations of every topic from math and science, to dating, to health, to the definition of friendship, and countless topics they found interesting.  From these dinners we expressed our values through examining the issues of the day. This was critical for helping them see how big the world is and how important it was to be connected to one another in the Marr family.

When young, each child got time to speak and talk about what was important in their day. It taught them the critical skill of storytelling, remembering a valuable feature of the day, and being able to articulate the event. This ability, easier for some kids than others, gave our children intellectual skills and confidence in being able to form ideas and speak them clearly. Practicing in time of non-conflict and being uncritical, dinnertime was invaluable for our children’s development.

As parents, we never talked down in a demeaning way to our children. We tried to talk at an appropriate adult level so that we could introduce new words and ideas to our children. However, one area we didn’t do very well in was with our youngest. Since our older two were very verbal, we enjoyed long conversations of exploration night after night. But Kevin, 4 years younger than Dano, found him periodically mentally disengaged from the conversation when the topics became too far removed from where he was mentally. By not tuning in to that, we missed the mark. Being mindful of each child’s mental abilities and temperament, and encouraging each child to engage in the way that they are capable of participating, keeps it fun for everyone.

And importantly, we would always start dinner with prayer by offering praise or giving thanks for God’s blessing on our family. This became a Marr character trait to owning a thankful, appreciative, and optimistic heart. It also started the mealtime on a positive note.

To rich and satisfying dinner conversations,

Lis and Dave

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Growing Families International Parenting Conference

April 19-20, 2024
Hosted by OneFamily in Denver, Colorado

Gary & Anne Marie Ezzo, Rich & Julie Young and Dr. Robert & Gayle Bucknam (Babywise) will be coming together for the first time to share new insights to empower and encourage you in your parenting journey!

Early Bird Registration opens this weekend!
https://onefamilyhwl.org/events/