Fatherhood with Purpose: Practical Ways to Connect & Build Trust – Part One

With Father’s Day coming up, we thought it would be a great time to revisit a teaching that profoundly impacted our family. The Father’s Mandate, from Growing Kids God’s Way by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo, outlines eight intentional practices to help fathers connect and build strong, trusting relationships with their children.

This teaching became an important catalyst in our marriage and parenting journey. It provided Rich with practical ways to be more purposeful with our boys while also encouraging and supporting Shelly in her efforts as a wife and mom.

When we think about fathers, several common stereotypes often come to mind: the provider, the protector, the disciplinarian, or the fun-loving dad. While these roles certainly have value, we discovered that a father’s greatest influence comes through something deeper—a relationship built on trust.

When children trust their dad, they feel safe seeking his wisdom, guidance, and influence. They are more likely to share their worries, ask difficult questions, and invite him into conversations about life’s biggest challenges, including topics such as relationships, sex, alcohol, and drugs. Research continues to highlight the significant role an engaged father plays in a child’s emotional, social, and spiritual development, as well as the positive impact strong fatherhood has on society as a whole.

This week, we’ll look at the first four applications of the Father’s Mandate and how Rich, along with Shelly’s support and encouragement, sought to implement them throughout the years.

Cultivate a Strong Family Identity

“We are the Howards.”

Rich often reminded our boys that being a Howard meant something. Trevor and Alex learned that our family had values, traditions, and character traits that defined who we were.

Whether it was after a great game, a family vacation, or a simple act of kindness, Rich would connect the moment back to our family identity:

“Great game today, buddy. Way to show what gracious winners the Howards are.”

“Wasn’t this a great Howard family vacation?”

Even simple statements like these reinforce a sense of belonging and purpose.

There are countless ways to cultivate family identity. As we shared in our Family Identity, Traditions & Gratitude letter, traditions play a powerful role in helping children feel connected. One of our favorite family traditions began when Rich turned our annual family Christmas card photo into a blanket and we used it to snuggle together during family movie nights—another simple reminder that we belong to Team Howard.

Demonstrate Love to Your Wife

One of the greatest gifts a father can give his children is a healthy, loving relationship with their mother.

When children consistently see dad loving, honoring, and caring for mom, it creates security. It reassures them that the two most important people in their lives are committed to one another and to the family.

Rich made this a priority. Every day when he came home from work, he would greet Shelly with a hug and kiss before greeting the boys. It was a simple but powerful way of communicating that our marriage mattered and is a priority.

As the boys grew older, taking the Love Languages assessment became a Howard family tradition. We posted everyone’s primary love language on the refrigerator, and Rich intentionally looked for opportunities to demonstrate Shelly’s love language in ways the boys could see. He would even involve them in planning thoughtful acts of kindness and encouragement for Mom.

Those moments not only strengthened our marriage but also helped teach the boys what love and emotional connection look like in practice.

Respect Your Child’s Private World

A few weeks ago, we wrote and discussed in our OneFamily Podcast about Nurturing Trust: Your Child’s Private World. Every child has a private world—a place where they store their deepest thoughts, treasured memories, fears, hopes, and vulnerabilities.

Access to that private world is not automatic; it is earned through trust.

You never know when a child will invite you into that space. It may happen at bedtime, while driving in the car, working in the yard, cooking together, or sitting on the sidelines of a sporting event.

When that invitation comes, your first responsibility is to listen – Not to fix, not to correct, not to lecture, but simply listen.

There may be a time to offer wisdom or guidance later, but in that moment, children primarily need to know that they are heard and understood. When dads consistently respond with empathy and appreciation, children become more willing to share again in the future.

Trust grows one conversation at a time.

Give Your Children the Freedom to Fail

For many children, disappointing Dad feels worse than the failure itself. Perhaps you experienced this yourself with your own dad growing up?

Over the years, Rich learned that encouragement was often the best response when the boys faced setbacks or disappointments. Rather than focusing on failure, he emphasized growth.

He frequently reminded them that challenges are opportunities to improve, learn, and become stronger.

One of our family values was striving to reach our God-given potential. We reminded our boys that pursuing growth naturally includes mistakes, adversity, and setbacks along the way.

Whenever possible, Rich and Shelly shared stories from their own lives—times when they struggled, made mistakes, or faced disappointment, yet ultimately grew because of those experiences.

Those conversations helped our boys understand that failure isn’t something to fear; it’s often one of the most effective tools for us to grow, mature, and reach our potential.

Rich has always loved being a dad to Trevor and Alex, but fatherhood hasn’t been easy. Building trust takes time, consistency, and intentional effort. Some of these principles came naturally to him, while others required more practice and perseverance.

This is also where moms play an important role. Over the years, Shelly has offered perspective, encouragement, and practical ideas that have helped Rich continue to grow as a husband and father.

Parenting works best when moms and dads partner together, supporting one another in the shared mission of raising children who feel loved, valued, and secure.

Next week, we’ll continue with Fatherhood with Purpose: Practical Ways to Connect & Build Trust – Part Two, exploring four additional applications to help fathers deepen their influence and strengthen their relationships with their children.

Blessings to your family and Happy Father’s Day!

Shelly and Rich

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