YouTube didn’t exist when we were young. Had we seen this hilarious vignette on a common relational dynamic, we might have avoided an argument or two. The arguments themselves followed a similar path: Dave would come home from an activity-filled day where he encountered innumerable problems, people, and personal pursuits that allowed him to grow and expand. Dealing with adults every day has its ups and downs, but at least the adult world is intellectually engaging. Lis, on the other hand, managed 3 little babies, poopy diapers, crying, nap time, laundry, meal preparation, cleaning, and answering a million little questions. Stimulating, but not very “adulty”.
Dave would arrive to find the children bathed, jammied, and fed, the house in immaculate order with Lis dolled up with a bow in her hair. (ahem, uh, not so much). Then, after the bedtime routine, it was time to reconnect. For a while, it went a lot like this (click the picture):
Video: It’s Not About The Nail
Dave, used to solving problems all day, was presented with yet another problem, those issues that confronted Lis that day. Being the helpful guy, he was more than willing to provide guidance to the little missus. However, his helpful suggestions or brilliant insights really didn’t solve jack. Instead, they caused frustration because Mr. Fixit wasn’t providing what was really being asked for relationship. Lis was primarily interested in Dave gaining understanding of her life and sharing her day with him, not to fix her life.
Eventually, Lis helped Dave clue in to this concept and prepared him for what kind of listening was going to be involved. Sometimes, Mr. Fixit was called upon. But most of the time, Lis just wanted Dave to listen. It was because the differences in our daily lives caused a gap in our developmental paths, we needed to reconcile on a regular basis or potentially run the risk of drifting apart. Listening and sharing became common Couch Time themes.
Mr. Fixit has an important role to play in solving problems the right problems. Dave owning his own leadership in the family, making sure there is a vision that leads the family toward growth, harmony, and wellbeing is a pretty important puzzle to solve. But the famous saying “To he that is good with a hammer, everything looks like a nail” need not cause family conflicts.
To your family’s wellbeing,
Lis and Dave