When you send your young child over to play at a neighbor’s house, what kind of games will the older brother be playing? Will your child be treated with a parenting eye that you would approve of? What kind of treatment will the younger kids get from older siblings? Does your child’s friend have their own smartphone? Will the time be spent playing games or spent on social media? What kind of activities will be encouraged or monitored? These questions are about another’s family culture and quality. Without being judgmental, you will want to make sure your child is safe, well regarded, and supervised in a manner that you agree with.

How about when couples get together? When the women gather separately from the men, does the discussion echo family support or descend into spouse-bashing? Is there healthy interaction among the couples or does the gathering devolve consistently into drinking and excess? Hey, look, not every get-together is a Bible study, nor should it be. There should be plenty of room for food, drinks and laughs and the ability to enjoy a wide spectrum of fun within the group. But underlying it all, there needs to be an awareness that these people you are hanging out with could be lifelong companions that will impact your family – for good or bad. You want to surround your family with positive, fun, family-loving, adventure-minded, God-oriented people. People who are interested in creating a great life and who will provide positive peer pressure and support to you and your family and who will be there when you are in need and accept your care when they are in need.

If that’s what you’re looking for – How do you get that?

When we were young, we had no clue that’s what we wanted. We made no distinction between a social group and a community. Once we discovered this difference, our events became more enriched. The countless dinners, camping, Easter gatherings, treasure hunts, game nights, travel, golf, 4th of July, Christmas parties, sports playing and sports watching, all became bricks in the foundation of community on which we built our family life. It’s been awesome. This has been our path:

Lis went to MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) where she met most of our soon-to-be group. MOPS and POPS events brought in the dads. But back then, we didn’t have a true community. It wasn’t until we added Parenting from the Tree of Life that we were really able to understand the value of intentionally building our family of friends. Our social group agreed to take the class together. We, Lis and Dave, were so impressed by this parenting program, we decided to facilitate the class again, then again, and again, until 10 years later we finally decided to take a break. During those 10 years and beyond, our family thrived. All those families who took Tree of Life also thrived because their investment in family was so intentional. And importantly, our community of friends provided lots of opportunity to get affirmation and input. We could easily send our children to spend the night because we knew what the moral environment was with our friends. As a result, the kids excelled, and the families bonded together. Our group came together so often that our kids considered all the other kids their own brothers and sisters. One daughter exclaimed in high school that “She was so glad to have family friends that went through the same Tree of Life class, so she didn’t feel like a freak.” Life-long friendships were born among the next generation of quality-seeking youngsters. At our friends’ houses, we always knew our kids would receive the same treatment and be held to the same standards as they would in our home.

There is a difference between a collection of people in a social circle and a community. Here’s the key: Initiate activities to explore if other families are a “fit” with your family. Are they morally like-minded along with being fun? Both are important. In order to build something worthwhile, you must be proactive in inviting people into your home and life. And so, we DID do a lot of the inviting – we were often the instigators of our community-building get-togethers. Someone has to be the catalyst! We can’t emphasize this too much. Be the one who initiates activity. It allows you to select who you want to be friends with. Being in a “small group” with people you go to church with, whose kids are the same age and go to the same school, you’ll have the opportunity to go deep on topics. Be intentional in your group-building efforts. And, importantly, strongly consider a small group parenting program to solidify your social group into a community.

All this is to say that building a community of friends to share your lives with takes intention and time. In doing so, you will create a level of well-being that is long-lasting and satisfying.

To that greater well-being,

Lis and Dave

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New Online Toddlerhood (18mo thru 4yrs) Parenting Class
Starting March 5th, 8-9pm MT

Spanish Simulcast Available!

https://events.humanitix.com/toddler-march2024

This class provides practical and relevant concepts that parents can apply right away – structure/routine, toddler conflict, giving proper instruction, encouragement, and correction.

Understanding the Toddlerhood Transition and having an intentional parenting strategy can put you on the right path in your parenting journey!

The complete 9 week course in only 5 online Zoom classes!

Description 5 – Tuesdays, 7-8pm PT, 8-9pm MT, 9-10pm CT

We welcome parents from all over the country… and world to join us online!