Genuineness. Authenticity. Intentionality. Being real. These are qualities that we look for in others.
Our daughter went on a date recently. At the restaurant, this young man she was with was intentional in asking the waitperson’s name and treating them as a human being. No other arrow he shot that night could have been more accurate in reaching our daughter’s heart than this genuine act of humanity. But why? Why would that simple act of asking for a name be so noteworthy to a young woman on a date?
Because in recognizing authenticity, our daughter, your daughter, our sons, your sons look to the examples set at home. To be genuine is to harmonize with those real aspects experienced during the growing up years. Every time we went out to dinner as a family, Dave made it a point to treat our waiters as a server, not a servant. He joked with them and generally treated them like real people. Over time that resonated with the kids because it harmonized with the family identity, the family philosophy, the family character. Children will pick up on the unstated. Your words are teeny things compared to your actions. Loving one another as a married couple models what love looks like and establishes within your children the capacity for love. In speaking words of life parents teach children that words give life, but more importantly how gossipy talk is small in comparison. Modeling authenticity through being present is just as important (Go to a restaurant and count the number of people on their phones!). Our daughter Shelli noticed this young man’s intentional act of asking a name because the capacity to recognize this instance of authenticity existed in her first.
Small things can become big things.
“Lexa, play Let it Go” demanded the little girl to the Alexa Amazon Echo. Her parents laughed. It was cute. However, is it possible that becoming accustomed to hearing demands obeyed without “please” or “thank you” along with experiencing the same obedience at an impressionable age could make a little person become self centered and superficial? Is it possible they can’t distinguish between human and robotic commands? The modern age comes with many conveniences that make the world fun and easy. However, as parents we are entrusted with making sure our God-given responsibilities, our children, are able to receive the benefits of the modern world without being buried by the detriments of it. Technology has that ability to bury our children in the negative consequences of superficiality, the opposite of genuineness, if we are not mindful.
Screens – schools are giving kindergartners iPads, teachers require homework filed online, children have access to the world and the world has access to them. How will a person grow up understanding what love is, family identity, friendship, and authenticity so that when he/she meets the woman/man of their destiny, they’ll recognize it? In order to recognize authenticity, a person must possess that quality first. Parents must create a home world that protects children from the dangers of too much screen time. Not just the porn sites and predators, but the dangers of too much socializing, too much connectivity to their friends, too much Pavlovian response to every smartphone ping, too much diversion into games, and the real dangers of going to a smart device as the cure for boredom. Here’s a video trailer about the movie Screenagers.
Your little boy and your baby girl truly need you to understand early in life how little things can become big things. Screens are here to stay. How shall you and your family remain authentic in a superficial world?
To creating a real, genuine, authentic family,
Lis and Dave Marr