In these OneFamily Letters, we try to support families with principles, techniques, encouragement, and examples from our own lives and from the many healthy families we know. We often write about what worked well for us.

But there is another side to the story. Let’s be real.

Parenting is filled with dilemma after dilemma. You make decisions in real time without fully understanding the long-term implications. You act with love, conviction, fear, exhaustion, hope, immaturity, or incomplete understanding—and only years later you recognize what you would have done differently. So here are a few of our real-life “mistakes,” regrets, or misunderstandings. Not in any order of importance, just honest reflections.

#1 — Kindergarten – Before “drop-off lines” existed, Dave walked our firstborn, Dano, hand in hand directly into his kindergarten classroom. When we arrived, the room was loud and chaotic. Dano felt intimidated and squeezed his daddy’s hand tighter. Dave gently pulled his hand away, thinking he needed to help Dano become less afraid.

Dano was 5. Dave was 33.

What Dave now realizes is that he was more in his own head than tuned into the emotions of a little boy entering a frightening new environment. Thirty-two years later, Dave still regrets pulling his hand away from his son’s. Big deal? Probably not, but still…

#2 — “Dad, Want to Kick the Ball?” – Kevin was born to throw, dribble, kick, or swing at almost anything shaped like a ball. One day he asked his dad if they could go outside and kick the soccer ball together. Dave said he was tired. Truthfully, it was more laziness than exhaustion. Sheesh.

That small moment became one of those lingering memories that stays with a parent. Maybe memory exaggerates guilt over time, but Dave has often wondered whether Kevin quietly interpreted that lack of enthusiasm as a measure of his father’s love and investment.

Children often remember moments adults barely notice.

#3 — Borrowed Convictions – When our children were young, we were becoming deeply involved in Christian community life. We attended church, enrolled our children in Christian school, and surrounded ourselves with Christian friendships. Much of it was wholesome, grounding, and life-giving. Neither of us had grown up in that kind of environment, so it felt refreshing and meaningful.

But we also learned something important: not every idea introduced under a Christian umbrella is necessarily wise. At one point, there was a strong sentiment in part of our community that the Harry Potter books should be banned. For a while, we simply went along with it without forming our own opinion first. Eventually, we read the first book ourselves and concluded the fear surrounding it was overblown and unnecessary.

One lesson we learned is this: good communities are valuable, but parents still need to think independently and sometimes swim against the tide.

#4 — Protecting Innocence – This one is delicate because. Of course, parents want to protect their daughter’s innocence. Who wouldn’t?

But during our children’s teenage years, there was a strong emphasis within part of our Christian community around purity culture and guarding against early romantic relationships. Fear often sat quietly underneath the messaging. We adopted some of those ideas too uncritically.

We decided Shelli should not date until sixteen. Innocent middle-school social gatherings sometimes felt “too risky.” Conversations about sexuality became framed more around danger than self-management, trust, maturity, and healthy development.

Looking back, we believe some of that messaging may have created anxiety and negativity around normal boy-girl relationships during an important stage of emotional development. Parents can sometimes overprotect because they fear future pain. 

Final Thoughts – One of the hardest parts of parenting is that you rarely know in the moment which decisions will matter deeply and which ones will fade away. You do the best you can with the wisdom you have at the time.

We occasionally came to our kids and asked for forgiveness in their teen years, admitting, “We messed that one up.” And thankfully, children are gracious toward us, which allows the occasional mistake.

Lis and Dave 

_____________________________________________

New Online Classes Starting Soon!

Sign up today and take advantage of Early Bird Discount Pricing!

Whether you’re parenting toddlers, navigating the middle years, or looking to build a stronger foundation for your family, these classes are designed to encourage and equip you with practical tools you can begin applying right away.

Parenting Middle Years (7yrs- Teens) – https://events.humanitix.com/my-aug2026 – How to transition from your Parental Authority to Parental Influence and prepare for the Teen Years!

Parenting Toddlers (18mos to 5yrs) – https://events.humanitix.com/toddler-aug2026 – How to navigate these years with foundational tools and proper expectations!

Parenting from Tree of Life (5-12yrs – Main Course) – https://events.humanitix.com/pftol-sept2026 – This is the main comprehensive parenting course with deep dives into character building and heart training!

 

Follow us on the OneFamily Podcast!

https://onefamilyhwl.org/event/podcast/