“You can do anything for 1 minute” is not just an easy phrase for parental encouragement, it’s a brick in the foundation of a child’s life.
It isn’t long after babies become toddlers that parents should begin the long process of building character through self-discipline. Every era in childhood will present new opportunities for parents to develop in their children the ability to face the arduous ability of sticking with a task and persevering through the desire to give up. The sooner parents begin helping a child recognize that the challenge is internal (sticking with it) and not external (cleaning their room) the sooner parents begin to lay down the foundation of character that will define almost every aspect of their child’s adult life.
It’s important for parents to understand that some phrases are too sophisticated for their children’s current understanding, but should stick with it nonetheless. What child understands “Thank you” and “Please” the first dozen times they’re required to recite them? So too with the phrase “You can do anything for 1 minute.” No 2-year-old understands how long 1 minute is. All they know is you’re asking them to put their toys away for a really, really long time. By using this phrase you are setting the stage for later understanding.
We had difficulty with each child in each era with different things. Brushing teeth morning and night was an early issue. Cleaning their room and just being mindful of the need to live in a tidy, organized world was an issue in every era. Finishing homework to the best of their ability rather than just going with whatever response would come immediately to mind. Even the willingness to practice sports a little to improve on certain skills was a challenge. In each of these situations, we were faced with getting our children to own the uncomfortable family value that being a Marr meant giving it our best, which takes effort. “Hey, you can do anything for 1 more minute.”
And as you can plainly see, 1 minute of extra effort today becomes, over time, stretched into another minute, and then another. It’s not a trick or a lie, it’s the idea that the phrase is a label for the concept that life asks much of you and you can overcome the internal desire to quit and doing less than your best with a simple phrase to Press On for 1 minute.
The child that learns to brush their teeth, clean their room, play the piano, develop skills in sports, resist the urge to check texts, pay attention in class, and forego the short-term pleasure of ‘giving in’ for the long-term satisfaction of success becomes the adult whose structure is strong and secure. If that were all, it would be fantastic, but there’s even more than what can be described in this Letter. Built on the foundation of 1 minute of persistence is erected an edifice of character – learning to keep one’s heart open when wronged, being respectful to mom and dad, learning to forgive, keeping one’s mind open when confronted with alternative perspectives, being strong enough to risk friendship when right and wrong are in play. Each of these are internal elements of self-control and are layered atop 1 minute of persistence.
There are basics in life that should be embedded in one’s character, like persisting through difficulty. Clearly that has been a foundational problem in society since the beginning of time, consult the Bible if you doubt that. In past generations, using an authoritarian style for a clean room and finished homework could certainly force external compliance. But removing the force also removes the motivation. Whereas, tying their internal motivation to family identity, encouraging “one more little bit of effort is who you are as a person”, thereby ties motivation to identity and self-esteem. It is more enduring and therefore more likely to end in positive results. And a key piece to this is rewarding the effort and not the outcome.
And for you reading this suggestion, no doubt you are already working on your child’s character in many ways. Adding the “You can do anything for 1 minute” brick to your family identity foundation might create a new family dynamic that could inspire everyone to give their best.
To a house built on a strong foundation,
Lis and Dave Marr
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Join us for these upcoming classes and events:
Growing Families Regional Parenting Conference Ohio – Join us in Ohio, March 25 & 26, for a two day parenting conference – “Moving From Fear to Confidence: Parenting in Today’s Culture”
https://onefamilyhwl.org/event/regional-parenting-conference-ohio/
Toddlerhood Transitions Parenting Class – For parents of toddlers (18mos to 4 yrs), this class provides practical and relevant concepts that parents can apply right away! Four Wednesdays starting April 13th @ 6:45pm with FREE CHILDCARE! Bring the kiddos in pajamas! Hosted at Cherry Hills Community Church, Highlands Ranch.