It has been well said about courage that courage isn’t the absence of fear, but forward action in the presence of fear. We offer, then, that faith isn’t the absence of doubt, but forward action in the presence of doubt. Courage imagines a scenario where a person must protect life and limb, or their self-concept, often with adrenaline juicing up the moment. Faith is harder to act forward because doubt is more subtle than fear. Doubt sneaks up in so many areas as to undermine your optimism.
You are reading these words, silent in your mind where any doubts and fears about your life might bubble up to create concerns on living life happily ever after. ‘Will my spouse ever grow up? Will my kids be healthy? Will we have enough money to meet our obligations? Will we find the right community to be a part of? Will we overcome this current problem?’ The doubts vary in intensity from era to era.
Fear and doubt are companions, traveling together to help you confront who you are relative to life’s challenges. The external world presents situations that cause fear. As those situations persist, so too do fears. With enough time in a difficult circumstance, the question arises about yourself and about God – “Do I have faith?” – A difficult question indeed. Yet, fear and doubt are gifts from God for you to confront courage and faith. For without those “negative” feelings, the “positive” feelings of wellbeing would be cheap and unearned.
We have been married for 33 years. Seems like a long time to us too. But it was only yesterday when we started out with zero idea of what we were doing. Life was hardly a plan for us, mostly one foot in front of the other. Young people today are so much more aware about everything than we were back then. The problems came, life’s many challenges came, Lis couldn’t get pregnant, so we worried. Nonetheless, a couple of years later, after 36 hours of labor, much of it back-labor and a broken tailbone, Dano arrived. Two years later, Shelli. Then Kev came with more health concerns. All the while there were the sicknesses and ear infections and fears about hearing loss and Dave’s job and arguments within the marriage and money and sex and… and… and the list is truly endless. Each time – every single time – there was fear about whether it would all be too much with the nagging doubt if we were going to make it.
But experience teaches some things. Maybe it’s not transferable in the retelling, but faith in God does bring peace. Faith in God opens a door that fear and doubt seem to have overlooked. You see, after you’ve seen the same play over and over again, you kind of know what the ending looks like – “Ok, this problem is a big one, we’ve got (children, health, financial, marital) issues. I am afraid this will be more pain than I can take. My prayers that this cup be removed hasn’t seemed to work. I have serious doubts about the outcome.” We’ve known this formula all too well. And yet, every time the problem ended, sometimes well, sometimes not, we were better off than before.
When leading your family, how should you prepare yourselves and your children to face life when difficulty arrives? Faith in God does make a difference over time. There are 2 components to preparing for difficulty: Philosophy and Togetherness. The idea that difficulty is a gift from God and that fear and doubt are concurrent gifts requires a philosophy that helps you take it in stride when it comes. The Marr family philosophy was strengthened by James 1:1-5 that we should consider it ALL joy when trials come so that we might be perfected in character. That was a key piece of our belief system. But the real part of our family philosophy was the nightly prayers thanking God at every meal and every bedtime prayer that we appreciated all the blessings that He showered upon us every day. This was institutional within our family routine, which created the bedrock of belief that difficulties were blessings designed by God to exact our unique perfection of character.
Secondly, we were the Marr family and together we could face any challenge. Our marriage issues were held in context that we were creating a better marriage by working through our immaturities. Our financial issues were temporary setbacks and through perseverance, we’d be fine. The health issues were longer journeys, but perseverance and a growing belief that they were part of God’s plan, all worked to create the Marr story. In other words, forward action even though the outcome was in doubt.
The exact details varied, but God’s formula repeated itself time and again. We can see that now, now that we’ve overcome so much. Pain and difficulty cause growth in ways ease and comfort do not. We don’t wish upon you growth, but rather philosophy and togetherness.
Many blessings,
Lis and Dave Marr