The tragic STEM school shooting here in Colorado fills us at OneFamily with a sense of urgency. We totally get the fear that this seemingly senseless act has caused parents. We don’t want to be just one more shrill voice calling for someone else to DO SOMETHING. We feel the urgency to do what we already do – support, encourage, and sustain parents in all the topics of parenting life. And, unfortunately, this has become a real topic of life. It’s a sensitive issue and is fraught with sharp edges which forms a pressure to avoid causing offense. But we must stay true to you with belief that regardless of how difficult the topic, we’ll address it with sensitivity, but address it nonetheless.
There are many ways to look at this latest school shooting – random violence, the consequence of bullying, active rage rather than passive suicide, missed opportunities by many to connect with troubled youths, an opportunity to teach your child about isolated classmates, the notion of casting a stone at the parents of these kids, and the pressing question: “How can we avoid being near this in the future?”
At OneFamily, we fervently believe that you can “protect” your children from this kind of situation. You can protect your children from suicide, violence, drugs, and, yes, bullying. Each of these issues are sociological problems that manifest in and around young kids who are not fully “protected” by mom and dad. We know what creates risk in society. We know what reduces risk. You can protect your child by reducing risk in the right areas that you have control over.
What do you have control over? At the absolute minimum, you can control how you speak with your child, how often you speak with your child, and what you say in engagement with your child. If there were the possibility that violence, suicide, drugs, alcohol, or bullying could be a part of your child’s future and the antidote was your engagement to him/her, wouldn’t you do it today and every day till the risk was gone? You can’t start early enough to build stability in your child’s life.
Every life has turbulence. When you’re still developing your sense of self and are fragile, a turbulent home life makes it more challenging. If some person at school decides to make themselves feel big by picking on that fragility, what is barely held together can fall apart. How can you protect your child then? By being there. By continuously checking in. By making sure that regardless of the storm elsewhere, your relationship is the calm. A line we used with our teenagers – “Of all your friends that might give you advice, which of them loves you more than we do?” That was our response to Gary and AnnMarie’s idea that “Ultimately, peer pressure on a child is only as strong as family identity is weak. Work early on building a strong family identity.”
But that might not be enough. You may need help. There are resources designed to educate you.
Friends has programs on bullying: https://friendscolorado.org/
Rachel’s Challenge does as well: https://rachelschallenge.org/about-us
Colorado.gov has suicide prevention information: https://www.colorado.gov/pacific/cdphe/youth-suicide-prevention
And violence prevention: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/youthviolence/schoolviolence/prevention.html
How do you protect your child from some random school shooting? The likelihood of that possibility does exist but is infinitesimally small. A much larger risk is one where your child’s choices puts themselves in harm’s way. And THAT is where your influence is a difference-maker and you can protect them.
With blessings,
Lis and Dave Marr