Football season is upon us. We’re Broncos fans here in our house, even though they’ve hardly been worth cheering for almost a decade. Nonetheless, they’re our team. We used to hate the Raiders, you know, football hate. Not that we genuinely celebrated injury to an opposing player or ill toward Raiders’ fans, but just normal football spirited team favoritism.

The idea that children have an innate desire to be on a team is beyond dispute. Take most any 5-year-old and you can see the early stages of team identity emerge in their gathering sense of belonging. It goes to say then that being a Marr our children would identify as being on Team-Bronco. And that certainly was the case, it brought our children obvious joy when our team won because it made them feel good about being part of a winning team. They developed a connectedness to the star players as well as the symbols of orange and blue. And when the Broncos lost, our children had to learn to handle the downside and begin the long process of understanding that nothing is perfect, and the good guys don’t always win.

Family identity is something we’ve talked about at length in these Letters to you. It can’t be understated how important that concept is to a child. It is foundational to their ability to connect with the world around them, secure in the notion that “I’m a Marr”, and that’s a good thing. We’ve talked about the traits of family identity that are so important, but here we discuss other team identities as well.

Being a Bronco fan isn’t very controversial, at least in Denver. It’s the standard on Sundays. But another team that is important to be on for a child is religious belief. Being on Team-God allows morality to flow into the conversation like understanding the rules of football. Personal fouls are 15 yards and loss of down, just like family personal fouls can lose privileges and loss of freedom. Associating with fellow believers in Bronco-speak provides that same sense of belonging. Religious belief may present issues for adults in their thinking regarding this belief or that. Some may think there are flaws in the whole gameplan and strategy. But compared to not belonging on Team-God, a child is significantly better off being on the Team. There are upsides and downsides to being on any team, but Team-Secular in the long run has a much tougher go.

Another important Team that forms a meaningful part of a child’s self-concept is growing up in a country that you admire, that is infused with principles worthy of belief and support, and whose history is replete with men and women, flawed all, that have risen above themselves to honor and protected the common good. Your children want to be on that Team. It has strangely become normal, or at least not uncommon, to teach children about all the failings of Team-USA and not balance the lesson with the qualities of its greatness. It is a mistake to think a child can understand adult criticism as anything other than “bad” – “I’m on a bad team”. As far as the aggregation of Team identities go, a child wants to be on the good team whether it’s family identity, sports identity, church identity, or country identity. Even if your Team has some flaws doesn’t mean you become a Raider fan.

Here are some…(wait for it)…Couch Time discussion topics –

How do you fly the family flag? Are you characterized by “Love is Action!”? How does the family celebrate successes? Encourage one another? Approach new situations with an open mind? Live with a sense of adventure? Are you as proud to be American (Swede, German, Australian) as you are to be a Broncos fan, Avs fan? What lessons go with national holidays?

As parents, a major role is largely to model how to be on each of these Teams and then bring words to the actions. “We celebrate being on Team Bronco by wearing orange and blue on game days”. Or, “We love being on Team America by flying the Flag, learning its history, and thanking military men and women for their service”. Or “We show our love for being on Team God by going to church on Sundays, reading the Bible, and learning His ways”. Each of these “Identities” blend with who you are as a family. It is our parental role to bring positive meaning to the symbols that surround us and that meaning should signify our family is on Team-Good.

To being the best coach,

Lis and Dave

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