Around when your child is 10, play this mental game – “Grab a live chicken. Got ‘em? Ok, now pluck all the feathers off the chicken. Get in there and pull them from the wings, the back, the tail. Get ‘em all. Are they all gone? Ok, now, put all the feathers back on the chicken.” A plucked chicken is good and plucked. Some decisions are irreversible. I don’t know where this came from, but we actually played this game, and our adult children remember it.

Here’s another dinner topic – “Why is peer pressure always downward? Why can’t peer pressure lift and encourage?” Expect your child’s peers to pressure them to do something they don’t want to do. And like normal, they’ll do it just to fit in.

How about – “Daddy, have you ever smoked marijuana?” The answer: “I was always afraid that I’d do something I couldn’t get out of, get in trouble, or hurt myself. I was afraid I’d lose control and be someone I’m not. Plus, I wanted to take care of my mind. I had friends who smoked, and it wasn’t pretty.”

The theme here is – How can you make a deep impression on your kids so they don’t take that one fatal step that changes the trajectory of their life? One very obvious way is to take catastrophe out of play. It only makes sense that if they avoid calamitous events, they will at least avoid the misery that accompanies deep difficulties. We don’t know where our influence as parents stops, but we know that parents have the most meaningful impact on the lives of children. Therefore, creating a mindset when kids are young helps them recognize situations that can lead to future problems.

A recent article in the Washington Examiner “reported that almost 20% of those aged 12 and older used marijuana in 2021, with 16 million suffering from “cannabis use disorder,” which is the inability to stop taking the drug even as it causes health and social problems.”

Think about that! How many years until your child is 12? Not many. When our boys were playing lacrosse in middle school and high school, it was commonplace that a few teammates would come to practice high from smoking weed. And this was before marijuana was legal in Colorado! There are plenty of stats describing the horrors of pot leading to a life of misery. Your children will be exposed to the negative pull of society outside of your view, but not outside your influence.

Therefore, creating a family environment today from which your children are more likely to avoid dangerous situations requires exerting whatever influence you do have beyond the usual “talk about drugs”.

  1. Marriage: Nothing can compete with a strong marriage when it comes to child safety and success. 
  2. Community: If your children will be subject to peer pressure, you have influence over who their friends are. Be discerning. As your family grows, gather like-minded families who uplift each other. Seek them out and create a community with them. This will strengthen your marriage and improve your parenting.
  3. Talk with your children about what makes your family special. We had a gazillion discussions at the dinner table about all topics, but one common refrain was Family Identity – talking about what we did and didn’t do. Our adult children recall this as meaningful as they look back.
  4. Peer pressure will exist for your children as the most competitive influence to yours. Be involved. Moms and Dads should call to find out about the families your kids are playing with. Will the parents be there? Do they know all the kids personally? Will they touch base periodically? 
  5. Driving dangers are obvious. Teach discernment on getting in a car with an irresponsible driver. Texting can be worse than taking drugs. We actually saw a young girl cover her eyes as she was approaching a potential car conflict. She had 3 passengers!

You may be a young family where this reality seems forever down the road. But family culture is a series of building blocks. And it is family culture that is the number one tool to prevent your child’s chicken from being permanently plucked.

To keeping healthy family feathers,

Lis and Dave

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