What kind of impact does having a longstanding group of friends have on a growing family?
Enormous. Therefore, you should be intentional and show initiative in building a community of like-minded friends. It is surprising the level of influence that your community of friends can have on your life, your style of living, your parenting, the quality of your marriage and its potential longevity, the behavior of your children, your health, your sex life, your business success, and your daily enjoyment and adventure of living – to name only a few.
Wherever you live on the spectrum of many friends or few friends, there’s a factor that’s critically important – moral quality. For example, when you send your young child over to play at a neighbor’s house, what kind of games will the older brother be playing? What kind of language will be used when a parent is not around? Will your child be treated with a parenting eye that you would approve of? What kind of treatment will the younger kids get from older siblings? Is the TV on? Will the time be spent playing games or spent on social media? What kind of activities will be encouraged or monitored? These questions are about another’s family culture and quality. Without being condemning, you will want to make sure your child is safe, well regarded, and supervised in a manner that you agree with.
How about when couples get together? When the women gather separately from the men, does the discussion echo family support or descend into men-bashing? Do the men talk about body parts and marital problems? Is there healthy interaction among the couples or does the gathering devolve consistently into drinking and excess? Hey, look, not every get-together is a Bible study, nor should it be. There should be plenty of room for food, drinks, and laughs and the ability to enjoy a wide spectrum of fun within the group. But there also needs to be an awareness that some behaviors don’t build quality into your relationships or your family. You want to surround your family with positive, fun, family-loving, adventure-minded, God-oriented people. People who are interested in creating a great life and who will provide positive peer pressure and support to you and your family and who will be there when you are in need and accept your care when they are in need.
If that’s what you’re looking for – How do you get that? Be proactive! Show initiative! For something to start, generally speaking, women usually are the ones to do it. There will be hits and misses. Not every effort will work out great. But keep trying and eventually you’ll have a community of lifelong friends:
- Find a family you admire and invite them over.
- MOMCO (formerly MOPS) is a great place to find other women looking for community.
- Church is a great place to meet families. Volunteer!
- Kids’ sports.
- School events.
- Parenting class.
We’ve talked with countless couples who are isolated in their lives, shy in their approach, and eager to meet future friends. Show initiative! Don’t be discouraged, and reach out to other couples again and again. By doing so you’ll set in motion a dynamic that will change your life.
To that greater well-being,
Lis and Dave Marr