Everyone has been or will be wronged. They will be slightly offended or grievously injured and with every degree and variation in between. And the worst of the injuries will be from intimates. It is part of the human condition – set up that way where imperfect people with imperfect information with limited time, limited resources, and limited maturity act out, make choices, and cause harm. Some do it deliberately, but mostly they do it inadvertently. Humans bump and bruise their way into adulthood where, one hopes, maturity takes over and harm, unintentional and intentional, decreases. Without the ability to forgive, mankind would be solitary wanderers unable to form alliances with trusted partners in a common cause.
There is a kind of person who doesn’t write misdeeds on their heart. They don’t store up wrongs. Their spirit is full of mercy and grace, and as you can imagine, their life reflects back to them that blessing. Conversely, you probably know the person who is easily offended when no offense is intended. They harbor ill will in a storehouse of offenses. Relationships are strained or broken, and the reasons are irreconcilable. Those who don’t forgive can live a tormented lonely life.
Forgiveness is not a gift you give someone; it’s a gift you give yourself. The Bible speaks of Forgiveness 81 times.
In Matthew 18:21:
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.”
Mahatma Gandhi said,
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
Teaching your children about Forgiveness isn’t hard. You’ll have ample opportunities in each stage of life. As a parent, when your child has been wronged by a sibling, it’s pretty easy to see both sides and create the proper exchange between the two.
But when someone outside the family causes offense, it’s easy to call in the militia and circle protection around your child. Don’t rob your child of the blessing that comes with conflict, tears, discussion, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Maybe it doesn’t work out perfectly, but your child needs that experience. And maybe you might as well.
Both Jesus’ and Gandhi’s quotes equate forgiveness with strength. It takes tiny steps to learn to clean the heart of the negativity of retribution. Self-worth is often at stake. But affirming the child, brainstorming the offender’s perspective, and working on letting go of the hurt is the path to strength.
To your child’s positive buoyant heart unburdened by life’s occasional conflicts,
Lis and Dave