In every life there is a transition from the essence of youth into the experience of adulthood. Often within this transition is an episode that stands out as a hinge point of meaningful experience, which is designated as “the event” that dislodges one’s understanding from the rock of ignorance. These hinge point experiences are retold as testimonies.
As authors of these weekly letters to you, we continually confront the question as to what is valuable, what should we say that would impact you positively thereby making your family life more secure, connected, informed, and enjoyable. We’ve provided parenting concepts and techniques that were valuable to us. We’ve shared our observations about current trends that we think warrant your attention. But mostly, we try and offer our insights into the circumstances individuals are likely to encounter in marriage, in raising children, and in engaging in community and the world. Our hope is that these perspectives go into your depths somehow and can be useful to you if nothing else than to bring comfort that you’re not alone. We have been where you are and have crossed the divide.
Today’s letter is about life stories, stories told from the other side of the chasm where often throats are tight, voices quiver, and tears are barely held back during the retelling. These stories are the hinge points of life. You will likely be able to tell your own crossing story a few years down the road. They mostly all follow the same pattern – ‘I was going along in life, at some point I found myself boxed in a situation in which I saw no way out. Then I recognized I had to surrender, seeing the limitations to my own efforts, yet still needing to persist. I finally looked to God for help, and resolution came in the form I hadn’t expected. I am better today because of it’. “I was lost, but now I’m found” is the famous line in Amazing Grace.
We had that. We came to a crisis caused by a sledding mishap that broke Lis’ back and was the “event” that even today brings emotions when we share the impact it had on our lives. It was a major defining aspect to our marriage, our parenting, and our purposes in life. Unfortunately, it was 7 years of pain. Lis couldn’t stand for 10 minutes, couldn’t lift anything heavier than 15 pounds, couldn’t walk any distance without having to sit, couldn’t sleep, and after pouring out to the kids all day she would run out of positive energy at the end of every day. Not great for Dave. For those years she struggled with the idea that she was going to live a life with chronic, debilitating pain.
Dotted along the way were markers, indicators of where we were going and who was leading us there. The surgeon advised against an operation because Lis was too young and if she fused her vertebrae early in life it would be a certainty she’d have to do it again and again. Marker. At around 5 years in Lis got into Pilates at the same time we met a chiropractor that actually helped. Markers. There were more markers, but meaningfully, each marker seemed to be preceded by a step forward in maturity and a realization that the whole thing was God-designed. Sure, for those who are skeptical on all of this, that may sound like self-serving propaganda about Christianity, but it really isn’t. These are things you can only really understand in retrospect when you see the entire story. And for those whose Christianity so far is young and without much experience, testimonies shouldn’t just be feel good affirmations that you’re in the right camp. Instead, think of them as stories offering insights that could be a roadmap for your life.
The takeaways of our testimony are many for us – Lis learned fortitude while surrendering, a delicate balance. She learned that she was not a victim of circumstance, but with God and Dave’s support had power to overcome. Dave stepped up and began the long process of growing up himself, learning to lead, be an encourager with constant support and a cheerleader of optimism. He became the spiritual head of the family in practice. And the family came to understand in real terms that difficulty is an opportunity provided by God to grow towards perfecting character (James 1: 2-4 “Consider it all joy”). Lis has been pain free for almost 20 years. Her example has been a living testimony to the above Bible verse for everyone in our family.
This letter is about perspective. Having the right perspective provides more resolve to face life’s issues, invites more peace of mind that difficulties have purpose, and evokes greater awareness about the factors that lead to ultimate well-being and family cohesion. Yes, this letter describes the essence of the Marr family story told in retrospective testimony. We hope there is something in here for you to take away in advance of your own hinge point. Life can be very tough and lessons hard-earned. But gaining understanding from others’ stories that there is purpose in pain makes it somewhat easier to manage your own and to get to the other side.
Many Blessings,
Lis and Dave Marr
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