When you send your young child over to play at a neighbor’s house, what kind of games will the older brother be playing? Will your child be treated with a parenting eye that you would approve of? What kind of treatment will the younger kids get from older siblings? Does your child’s friend have their own smartphone? Will the time be spent playing games or spent on social media? What kind of activities will be encouraged or monitored? These questions are about another’s family culture and quality. Without being judgmental, you will want to make sure your child is safe, well regarded, and supervised in a manner that you agree with.

How about when couples get together? When the women gather separately from the men, does the discussion echo family support or descend into spouse-bashing? Is there healthy interaction among the couples or does the gathering devolve consistently into drinking and excess? Hey, look, not every get-together is a Bible study, nor should it be. There should be plenty of room for food, drinks and laughs, and the ability to enjoy a wide spectrum of fun within the group. But underlying it all, there needs to be an awareness that these people you are hanging out with could be lifelong companions that will impact your family – for good or bad. You want to surround your family with positive, fun, family-loving, adventure-minded, God-oriented people. People who are interested in creating a great life and who will provide positive peer pressure and support to you and your family, and who will be there when you are in need and accept your care when they are in need.

If that’s what you’re looking for – How do you get that? 

When we were young, we had no clue that’s what we wanted. We made no distinction between a social group and a community. Once we discovered this difference, our events became more enriched. The countless dinners, camping, Easter gatherings, treasure hunts, game nights, travel, golf, 4th of July, Christmas parties, sports playing and sports watching, all became bricks in the foundation of community on which we built our family life. It’s been awesome. 

“Ok, sounds good. Sign me up. How exactly does one go about doing that?” you say. We’ve tried making friends, and we have a few, but A Community? Give me suggestions.”

Righto. First of all, it takes years of intentional effort. It’s kind of a sorting process. It won’t happen just because you’re open to friendships. For the most part, you have to put yourself out there and risk rejection. For people that make friends easily, there you go, no problem. But for us, that wasn’t super easy at first. But as is usually the case, women are able to connect more easily and, to put it frankly, drag the husbands along. Good. Do that. That happened with us, and we have 35-year friendships as a result.

Where can you find like-minded couples?

  • Kids sports are a great place to do that. 
  • School events.
  • Church attempts to start small groups, which is where we sorted through a handful of couples over the years and ended up with several couples.
  • MomCo was huge for us. Lis met so many women that were fun and inviting.
  • And the big one was Parenting classes. Going to them in person was very forming for us; unlike today’s zoom classes. It’s a shame that zoom has impersonalized so much.

Meeting people is one thing. Getting to know them takes many encounters where you break the surface of who they are. Through many a Bible study we were able to weigh the fun factor, the sociability, and the substance and genuineness of these people. You don’t want them to be copies of you, but if they are wildly different, that could be an issue. Ultimately, these are the people you’ll come to trust. We have 14 people in our group. And any of them would come to us in our hour of need, or more often, hour of joy.

If you’ve read this far, take our urging. This is a very big deal. 

To that greater well-being,

Lis and Dave Marr

Follow us on the OneFamily Podcast!

https://onefamilyhwl.org/event/podcast/

Upcoming Online Classes

Take advantage of Early Bird Discounts!

 

  • Starting 10/27 – New Date! Parenting Middle Years (7yrs- Teens) – https://events.humanitix.com/my-oct2026 – How to transition from your Parental Authority to Parental Influence and prepare for the Teen Years. This is our last class offering of 2026 – Don’t miss out!